Long Long Journey: Part 2
by midnyteblue
Summary: Jack and Daniel story: From the beginning there was something to be discovered - This is their second year. Inspired by the sounds and lyrics of the beautiful Enya (and others). *** SLASH ***
1. Inside Your Heaven

**Inside Your Heaven**

**Author:** Midnyteblue  
**Pairing:** Jack/Daniel, Friendship/Slash  
**Rating:** NC17  
**Spoilers:** Previous Story - Long Long Journey: Year 1  
**Summary:** It's a New Year with New beginning's  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine never have been or will be. Fic inspired by the beautiful Carrie Underwood  
**AN:** This story follows on from my previous series. If you don't like slash fics then do not read, it's easy!  
AN2: For those of you continuing on with my story, it's great to see you again. I hope you like it :)

* * *

._.._

_Daniel's heart was racing as he took hold of the towel that surrounded Jack's waist. _

"_Are you positive?"_

_Jack had asked the question already and in response Daniel pulled the towel open revealing Jack's manhood underneath, with a steady hand betraying nothing of how he was feeling inside Daniel reached down and grasped the shaft firmly in his grip._

_Jack gasped at the contact and held on to Daniel tighter than before. Showing a confidence he was barely feeling Daniel pushed Jack back onto the bed, his hand never loosing contact._

"_I love you." He whispered before capturing Jack's mouth again in a hard kiss. Jack ran his fingers across Daniel's back before bringing them around to undo his trousers. Jack groaned and fumbled slightly as Daniel's hand began to make its way slowly up and down,_

"_Stop!"_

_Daniel looked down confused and began to take away his hand, a look of hurt flashed across his face. Jack was quick to clamp his hand over Daniel's, holding it I place._

"_Sorry, I meant wait."_

_Jack quickly concentrated on his task of undoing the button on Daniel's pants, pulling the zipper down he sipped one hand inside the waistline, the other began tugging the clothing down,_

"_I'm at a distinct disadvantage here, wanna help me out?"_

_Daniel nodded and biting his lip shyly he removed his pants, stepping out of them he quickly lay back down over Jack who had moved around so his head was resting on the pillow,_

"_You okay?"_

_The question triggered Daniel's resolve and with a slightly less steady hand he resumed his previous ministrations. Jack ran his hands up and down Daniel's bare back, savouring the sensation of his soft skin. _

_It was something he had been wanting for months. He was so intent on the sensations flowing through his fingertips he barely registered when Daniel started kissing his chest. He did register however when Daniel began moving his way down._

"_Okay, wait again." Jack managed breathlessly_

_Daniel stoped and raised an eyebrow,_

"_It's kind of how this works."_  
_"Maybe, but this is a mutual thing Danny. Give me a second okay?"_  
_"But…"_  
_"No."_

_Jack pulled Daniel up to him and turned them on their sides so they were facing each other. As he did he grabbed Daniel's shaft feeling it harden instantly in his hands,_

"_Oh my God!"_

_He had never felt so turned on in his life. Daniel's eyes closed as he drew in a breath. He once again put his hand on Jack and together they began to move_

…

Daniel opened his eyes to the morning glare and instantly he closed them again,

"Bright!"

He pulled his pillow out from under his head and pulled it over his eyes, shielding himself from the intruding light.

"Ignore it." Came the muffled reply.

Daniel moved himself further down under the covers in an attempt to escape the day and in doing so he felt himself brush up against his partner,

_*Lover.*_

The thought came unbidden and with it a sense of panic at the situation. His mind flipped back instantly to the night before,

*_Oh God, we…Jack and I…what if…no because we still haven't…maybe he doesn't want to…maybe I'm not…*_  
"Shhh, you're okay."

Daniel had tensed up severely as his mind kicked into overdrive but as soon as it did the arm which had been encircling him tightened into a firm embrace. He felt with a bit of effort the other arm slip under him so he was being hugged tightly to the man next to him. Wrapped up in those arms he found it easier to relax.

"It's okay, I'm right here."  
"Jack, I…don't know…"

Daniel tensed up again as Jack moved so he was lying over him but Jack didn't move away and he didn't look angry. He looked sleepy and content, something Daniel hadn't seen before.

"Good morning."  
"Morning."

Jack leant down to kiss Daniel, their bodies making contact as he rested his weight on him,

"Too heavy?"  
"No."  
"How you doing?"

Daniel didn't trust himself to answer and his usual response of 'fine' seemed to get caught in his throat.

"Hmm, let me tell you how I'm feeling. I'm freaking out."

Daniel started to nod, an automated response, until his brain processed the words,

"You're freaking out? Why?"  
"Because, I'm lying here, on top of this amazing man. A man I have no hope of ever being worthy of. An incredible man who for some reason has chosen to trust me in every single possible way and I'm freaking out because I don't ever want to lose him."

Jack rolled off Daniel and pulled him onto his side. Jack had decided very quickly he loved lying like this because it gave them an equal footing, neither holding a position over the other.

"You see, this man is not only brilliant, he's gorgeous. And my head is telling me that it must all be a dream because there is no way I can possibly be this happy in real life"

Daniel ducked his head a little at the praise. It wasn't uncommon for Jack to go on like this, he'd done it before but this time he was worried it was for the wrong reasons,

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."  
"No I'm not, why would I?"  
"Because I…screwed up."  
"When?"

Daniel raised an eyebrow and waited for Jack to remember.

_*** Flash Back ***_

_Daniel felt like his body was on fire, he was burning with desire for the man who currently had his hand around his most private part. His body arched of its own accord as Jack's hand suddenly moved to hold onto his balls, rolling them gently in his hand_

"_Deus meus!"_

_Jack grinned as he realised Daniel's brain wasn't quite firing on all cylinders if he was speaking another language. Deciding to take a risk he moved down the bed and taking a breath he slipped Daniel's tip past his lips._

_*Geeze Danny, you sure have a whole lot going for you! I think I'm jealous.*_

_Daniel's eyes snapped open as he felt Jack slide his lips down his length. The last time anyone had done this he had been a child. He panicked and moved his hips away. _

_Using Jack's momentary distraction to his advantage he reversed their position and placed his own mouth around Jack's own length. Lessons he had been abused with came flooding back and it wasn't long before Jack was seeing stars._

_*** End Flashback ***_

Daniel felt disgusted with himself. He had initiated last night's events, telling Jack he was ready. Instead he had freaked out.

Jack was still puzzled as to what Daniel had been talking about. He had replayed the events but was failing to see where Daniel had 'screwed up'

_*Okay Jack, come on. You were both enjoying yourselves, Daniel started on his linguistic rollercoaster, you realised he should be named the eighth wonder and then…oh.*_

Jack looked at Daniel, his eyes widening as he realised what Daniel was referring to,

"Oh my…Daniel I'm so sorry!"

Jack pushed himself away and sat up, taking care not to physically touch Daniel,

"I'm such an idiot. I got carried away and I scared you. I am really sorry."

Daniel's eyes widened as he realised Jack was blaming himself,

"Jack, stop please. I'm not blaming you. I'm blaming me! I flipped out again and almost wrecked…everything."  
"You didn't almost wreck anything, you really need to stop putting yourself down, it's one of your worst traits. I didn't keep my promise, I let other parts of me take over and I pushed you too far. Daniel, last night was one of the best nights of my life and *you* made that happen. I'm just sad I couldn't give you the same experience."  
"You didn't do so badly yourself." Daniel bit his lip shyly, his eyes drawn downward to his fingers which were playing with the blanket

_*** Flash Back ***_

_Jack's hips thrust upward in a sudden movement as he came, pinpricks of light danced behind his eyes as sensations overwhelmed him. He pulled Daniel up to him and kissed him, vaguely aware that he could taste himself as he did. _

_Daniel had kept hold of Jack and was still working him gently as Jack took hold of Daniel. He worked him furiously, taking time every few strokes to rub his balls. Daniel lost all track of himself as he gripped the blanket in an attempt to hold on to reality. It was all for naught as he came a short time later, calling out Jack's name as he did._

_As their heartbeats slowed and their breathing returned to normal Jack used his discarded towel to clean up what he could. Glancing at the clock he pulled Daniel up and across the hall to the bathroom for a quick shower before heading back to his room where Daniel fell asleep before his head hit the pillow._

_*** End Flashback ***_

Jack reached out for Daniel and kissed him soundly. Falling back against the pillow, Daniel shifted till he was lying over Jack, his head resting on his chest, their fingers linked as they lay together, each in his own thoughts.

_*He doesn't care that I…stopped. I mean I didn't stop him from…I guess guys really do like…Okay Daniel that's enough. Last night was nothing like before, last night you *wanted* to do that, you were happy to make Jack happy…he seemed happy anyway.*_

Daniel moved one hand from Jack's grip and ran his fingertips through the spray of hair covering his chest. The action caused Jack to let out a little sigh,

"You okay?"  
"Oh yeah, no complaints here."  
"I really did want…it all."  
"I know, and I promise you that one day you will feel what I felt."  
"You really don't care?"  
"Babe, I didn't expect anything let alone what you gave me."  
"You don't care."  
"Not about that."  
"What do you care about?"  
"You."

Daniel closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift away, Jacks words ringing in time with the beat of his heart

_I've been down  
Now I'm blessed  
I felt a revelation coming around  
I guess it's right, it's so amazing  
Every time I see you I'm alive__  
_

* * *

"Seriously!"

Daniel startled awake at the sudden intrusion of noise

"How are you still in bed? It's Christmas Day!"  
"Go 'way." Jack mumbled  
"Really?! Jack it's Christmas!"

Daniel's eyes snapped open as he realised who was speaking. He was still lying on Jack and he was very thankful that they had a blanket covering them. He looked up at Jack and waited for the situation to sink in, it didn't take long.

"Chelsea! I…um…"  
"Will you hurry up? Mum won't let me open anything till you're downstairs!"

Daniel raised an eyebrow at Jack's stunned expression and decided to take pity on him,

"I may have let it slip when we were talking the other night."

Jack turned his stunned expression to Daniel who grimaced under his stare.

"We'll be right down." Jack spoke quietly, his eyes never leaving Daniel's. Chelsea let out a dramatic sigh but closed the door behind her as she left.  
"I'm really sorry Jack." He pulled back but Jack kept a firm hold of his waist,  
"You told her?"

Jack's voice was still very quiet and Daniel found he was more worried now than he would have been if he had yelled at him.

"I…well no but…"  
"What happened?"  
"We were talking and I didn't say that we were together I was saying how crazy everything had been the past few days and I couldn't get my head around it and I said that everything with you didn't help. I stopped after I realised what I was saying and I think she figured it out."  
"You didn't say anything else? How can you be sure?"  
"I ran outside, I had to get away. I was so mad at myself; I couldn't believe what I'd done. Chelsea followed me out."

Daniel looked at Jack, his eyes wide. Jack just stared back with no expression.

"I…Chelsea, she asked me…."  
"What?"  
"She asked me if I loved you, that's how I know she knows. She asked me straight out."  
"And what did you say?"  
"Yes." Daniel whispered the single word and looked down again. He waited for the yelling to come, the rejection. "I'm sorry Jack. I'll go."

Daniel got up and this time Jack let him. He pushed himself off the bed and quickly grabbed his trousers to cover himself. He heard movement behind him and almost jumped out of his skin as Jack took his hand and pushed him back against the wall.

"You told my sister that you loved me?"  
"Yes, I am so so sorry."  
"What for?"  
"What?"  
"What are you sorry for?"  
"I told your sister. It was stupid and possibly very bad. I had no right to do such a thing. I am really sorry."  
"Are you sorry for loving me?"  
"What? Of course not. I mean I have my moments of self-loathing but I will never be sorry for loving you."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Not unless you give me a reason to be."

Jack stared at Daniel for what seemed like an eternity,

"I love you Daniel Jackson!"

Jack kissed Daniel hard, putting his full weight against him. Daniel wrapped his arms instinctively around Jack's neck and gave himself over.

"You're…_*kiss*_…not…_*kiss*_…mad?"  
_"*kiss*_…furious_…*kiss*…"_  
"I'll_…*kiss*…_make it up_…*kiss*…_to you."

Jack pulled back and brushed some hair from Daniel's eyes,

"You aren't taking back your present."  
"But…"  
"Nope, you will keep it and that's the end of it."

Daniel could only nod, in the grand scheme of things he knew he was getting off easy,

"You really told Chelsea that you loved me?"  
"I did."

Jack sighed and kissed Daniel's forehead,

"Well I guess there's only one other person we should tell."  
"Jack you don't have to. I'm pretty sure Chelsea won't tell."  
"I'm sure she won't, but Danny those two women are two thirds of my life. I've been wanting to tell mum for months and now I guess there's no reason not to."  
"I forced your hand."  
"Not really, just sped up the inevitable. I have no intention of letting you go Daniel, not for anyone. I would have to tell them eventually."

Daniel wasn't convinced that Jack was as complacent about the situation as he was expressing.

"I really am sorry."  
"I know. Daniel I'm not really mad, I just don't know what to tell her. And the last time Chelsea walked in on me in bed with someone it was my wife."  
"You don't have to tell Jack. Really, if you think it would be easier. I understand, you don't just go from having a wife to a boyfriend. I would completely get it if you never told her. I don't want to wreck your relationship."

Jack pulled him away from the wall and wrapped Daniel in a gentler hug,

"I'm not ashamed of you Daniel, in fact I am so proud of you. I'm proud to be your partner…your lover. Damn it's good to be able to say that."

Jack looked over at his partner and smiled. He was looking so upset and all he'd done was declare what Jack couldn't.

"Come on."

Jack donned his own pyjama pants and a t-shirt whilst Daniel pulled on his sweater. Jack took his hand and continued to hold it as they descended the stairs. As they reached the bottom of the stairs Daniel tried pulling his hand away but kept a firm grip.

The walked into the lounge area and waited till Caitlin looked over. Chelsea was busy sorting through the presents.

"Mamma, I probably should have said something before we came but, I guess I was a little scared."  
"What's wrong lad?"

Caitlin was looking innocently at Jack who wasn't paying much attention but Daniel saw the mischievous look in her eye and breathed a sigh of relief.

_*It's going to be okay.*_

"I um, well I kind of….that is we…Oh for crying out loud, Mum I love Daniel."

Chelsea stopped instantly and turned to face Jack with a raised eyebrow. Caitlin just sat back and nodded,

"Well we all love Daniel."

Daniel sniggered but covered it quickly. Jack looked at him and back to Caitlin, trying to figure out if she understood his big announcement,

"Mum, Daniel and I have been seeing each other for a few months now."  
"I figured, I mean you do work together lad, how are you meant to work together if you can't see each other?"

Chelsea giggled and didn't try to hide it. Jack looked confused and she couldn't believe he hadn't figured it out yet.

"Mamma, I'm not sure you get it. I love Daniel, very much. Like head-over-heels, can't imagine my life without him, want to spend every second with him love. He's my partner in every way and…I love him."

Chelsea sat back, her eyes wide. She had known Daniel felt strongly about the relationship and she had guessed the feeling was mutual after her entrance this morning but she had never imagined that Jack would come out and say it like that. She quickly analysed her feelings then shrugged. It didn't bother her one bit.

_*I like Daniel, way more than I ever liked Sara. They just seem to fit better. Wow, Jack in a same-sex relationship. Never would have picked that growing up! Do I care? I guess not, He's happy and Daniel is awesome. They are going to face some serious opposition, and Jack's Air Force! They'll kick him out for sure. He's going to need to be so careful. I know a good Lawyer if he needs it…*_

Daniel stared over at Jack, not quite believing what he was saying. He had said the words out loud, essentially came out to his family. He had literally declared an undying love for Daniel. He was speechless!

Caitlin looked at her son without blinking. Suddenly she smirked and winked at Daniel,

"Well now, that wasn't so hard was it?"

Jack was stunned at Caitlin's remark. He had expected a barrage of questions and possibly some yelling, not the smug expression before him,

"What? Danny did you tell her too?"  
"No, of course not."  
"No one told me Jack. I knew a long time ago."  
"Mothers intuition." Jack breathed. Even with everything he had seen, people he had encountered, Caitlin's instincts still freaked him out. "Why didn't you say something?"  
"I did, in my own way. Did you even bother checking to see if the spare room was free?"  
"I um, no. You said it wasn't!"  
"I did didn't I?"

Caitlin got up and walked over to her son,

"Jack. I want you to be happy. And this young man here has made you happier than I've ever seen you, except maybe when Charlie…"

Caitlin looked down for a moment to compose herself,

"I love you son. If you love another man so be it. As long as you are happy then you've made me proud."

Caitlin pulled Jack to her level and hugged him tightly. She let go and walked over to Daniel,

"You know lad, I still think you're too thin."

She took him in her arms and Daniel's eyes watered. He loved Caitlin and the knowledge that she accepted him was more than he could bare.

"I'm sure your cookies will help with that." He laughed  
"Plenty more where they came from child, never fear that."

Chelsea got up from her present sorting mission and put her arm around Jack's shoulders,

"Well BB, you sure know how to spring one on people don't you."  
"You walked in on us!"  
"Well you weren't coming to open presents!"  
"Really Jack, this is your doing. You know how she is on Christmas morning."  
"And it wasn't so bad." Chelsea smirked  
"How so?"  
"The view was amazing." She looked side-long at Daniel who blushed a deep red causing Chelsea to laugh. She let go of Jack and turned to hug Daniel, "Oh, don't be shy! Own it!"  
"Thanks, I guess."  
"Okay, enough of this. Everyone sit down to get your presents."

Jack took hold of Daniels hand one more time and together they sat on the floor in front of the couch.  
Caitlin was relieved that Jack had finally said something. She didn't believe either of her children should have to hide in their own house. She had figured out there was something going on between Jack and Daniel earlier that year and as such had been ready when they had come for Christmas.

Caitlin had mixed feelings about the relationship prior to their arrival, on one hand she'd had a strict Catholic upbringing but on the other hand her son's happiness meant more to her than almost anything. And then there was Daniel.

To her Daniel was a lost little child in desperate need of love and a home. He had found both of those things with Jack and Caitlin was glad that he still had the ability to smile.

"Okay, remember that no one is allowed to open their gifts till they're all given out!"  
"Get on with it woman!"

Chelsea rolled her eyes but did as ordered. Daniel watched on first intrigued, then happy, then shocked as the pile of gifts for him grew.

"Uh, are you sure these are for me?"  
"Is there someone else here named Daniel?" Chelsea threw back,  
"I uh, I guess not. Really?"

Daniel turned to Jack who nodded and was delighted to find his face light up like the Christmas tree Chelsea was still digging under. When she was done they began the task of unwrapping the gifts. Whilst Jack and Chelsea attacked theirs, Daniel sat and read each tag as if he expected the name to change before gently pulling the tape away from the paper.

"Danny, whatcha doin?"  
"Opening my gifts."  
"You can rip the paper you know, makes life a whole lot easier."  
"I kind of want to do it this way, so I can remember."

Jack took the gift from his hands and putting it down he held onto Daniel's hands so he would stop and listen,

"If this makes you happy then go for it, but if you're doing it this way because you don't think it will ever happen again then please stop. There are plenty more Christmas's in your future Dr Jackson so you might as well start enjoying them."  
"Yeah, come on Danny, that ones from me so just rip it open!"

Daniel looked at the O'Neill's and took a deep breath before ripping the paper open.

"Hey, a new Journal! That's great, thanks Chelsea."  
"See, way more fun." Jack grinned and continued on his pile.

Both Jack and Daniel acquired some new shirts as well as some books, Daniel had given Jack a subscription to the National geographic and a CD he'd been eying off. He'd purchased some new earrings for Caitlin and a bracelet for Chelsea.

_*Thankyou Mel!*_

Everyone was looking on expectantly as Daniel came to the end of his pile,

"You're making me nervous."

He reached for the large box that was still sitting by his side, it was heavy.

"Jack...?"  
"Just open it Danny." He spoke quietly.

Daniel once again started to open the present carefully but when he caught sight of the picture on the box he threw caution to the wind and ripped the remaining paper away,

"Oh my...Jack!"  
"Merry Christmas babe."

Daniel stared wide eyed at Jack before examining the box,

"Jack...these cost..."  
"You were never taking it back."  
"But..."  
"Nope, Danny our deal was that if you didn't show any sign of liking it then you could, you should see your face."  
"But...the cost!"  
"Was well worth it. Now open it up!"

Daniel still couldn't believe what he was holding. He opened the flap and with Chelsea's help pulled out the Fully Automatic Coffee Machine.

"I've heard of these." Chelsea exclaimed as she looked on with Daniel, "Swiss? How do you pronounce it?"  
"Jura, silent J and pronounce the U."  
"Ellie said it's the new version of hers, the first fully automatic. You can even program in your favourite type of coffee so you just press a button and *your* coffee comes out."  
"Jack...We...I mean I already have a coffee pot."  
"You're right, *we* have a coffee pot, now you don't have to wait for it to start up. It grinds the beans fresh and we can program it to turn on at a particular time every day."  
"You didn't have to do this."  
"Do you like it?"  
"Jack..."  
"Danny, do you like it?"  
"I love it!

Jack sat back with a smile. It had been expensive but as far as he was concerned no amount of money would be enough to show Daniel how much he cared.

"Jack I'm so sorry, I didn't get you much…"  
"You got me plenty."  
"But this!"  
"Daniel, you gave me your present long ago."  
"That excuse doesn't ring too well anymore Jack, this is…"  
"So Mamma, I don't see a cup of tea in your hand, would you like some?"  
"I would indeed lad, thankyou."

Jack got up from the floor and wandered into the kitchens, singing 'White Christmas' as he went. Daniel shook his head and sighed as he once again turned the box over to see what Jack had purchased

"Danny, this bracelet is gorgeous. Thank you."

Chelsea flung her arms around him and hugged him tight, kissing him as she did.

"Oh, you're welcome. I wasn't sure if you would even like jewellery but it was assumed to be a safe bet."  
"I love it."  
"And mine too lad, thankyou. You didn't have to buy us anything you know."  
"Well neither did you."  
"Sure we did! You're family, Family gets gifts." Chelsea declared  
"I still can't believe…you keep calling me family."  
"Aye, come here child."

Caitlin stretched out her hand toward Daniel and he getting up he took it and sat next to her on the couch,

"You are special to Jack and even if that were not the case, everyone needs a family. I know you have yours and we would never take anything away from them but Danny, we are happy to have you with us. We *want* you to be here and we want you to feel at home."  
"I do." Daniel whispered as he wrapped his arms around Caitlin.

Caitlin sighed contentedly as she held the young man. She looked up and found Jack standing in the doorway, a slight shine in his eyes as he watched Daniel finally accept his place in his home. He put the cup on the mantel and ran back to the kitchen to grab the camera. When he came back Chelsea had moved to the couch to look at Caitlin's gifts and Daniel was flicking through a book Jack had given him. They were all smiling and Jack knew he would never get a more perfect shot. He aimed the lens and clicked. The noise made them all look up but none of them stopped what they were doing.

Jack handed Caitlin her tea and went to get the rest of the cups. He stood for a minute in the empty kitchen, listening to the chatter going on inside. In his opinion the only thing missing was Charlie.

_*Merry Christmas Son.*_

Jack closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like if Charlie was there. In his imagination, Sara wasn't present. Charlie was there with Daniel and Chelsea, whilst he was walking with Caitlin. As Charlie turned he realised it wasn't his son at all…

His eyes snapped open to find Daniel in front of him,

"You okay?"  
"Yeah, just thinking."

Daniel nodded and reached for his hand,

"Jack, the coffee machine is amazing. Thankyou."  
"You're welcome."

Daniel leant in for a kiss and Jack wrapped his arms around him. When they parted Jack brushed some hair aside from Daniel's eyes and sighed,

"I love you."  
"I love you too. Come on."

Daniel picked up two of the mugs and walked away leaving Jack to follow, his eyes misty as the image in his mind of a blue eyed boy continued to dance.

_*My family…*  
_

_You're all I've got  
You lift me up  
The sun and the moonlight  
All my dreams are in your eyes_

* * *

"What a day!"

Daniel fell back on the bed and rubbed his eyes,

"Yeah, but a good one you have to admit."  
"Very good."

Jack collapsed back against the wall and slid to the floor facing the bed,

"You happy?"

Daniel looked over and raised an eyebrow,

"I am, are you?"  
"Very."  
"Good."  
"You know in some ways I don't want to go back home. I like that we haven't had to hide."  
"It has been nice, but I do also want to get back. I almost think we need to be grounded."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, this trip has been great, its been the best Christmas ever but life isn't always this good."  
"You mean you want to go back to being shot at every other day, go back to hiding, go back to a cold grey walls and empty words?"

Daniel frowned and moved off the bed to join Jack on the floor,

"Hey, what's with the bitter tone?"  
"Nothing."

Daniel frowned and folded his legs under himself so he was kneeling in front of Jack. He just sat staring at Jack until the older man finally caved,

"I love our job, I do. I mean if nothing else it brought me to you."  
"Okay, so what's wrong?"  
"I don't know, I just…something about this year has me worried."  
"Really?"  
"Maybe, I don't know. I just think we should enjoy this time off while we can."

Daniel nodded, his mind ticking over,

"Come to bed."

Jack nodded and took Daniel's hand as they got up. Changing and getting under the covers Daniel lay his head upon Jack's chest and closed his eyes.

"Danny, would you tell me something?"  
"What?"  
"Anything, just talk to me."

Daniel nodded and tried to come up with something,

"Have I ever told you about how I used to hate chocolate?"  
"What? No."  
"It's true, I used to hate it but at the same time I thought I should like it so I used to ask for it all the time."  
"But you like it now."  
"I know, my tastes must have changed, but for years, it was horrible."

Daniel chucked quietly against Jack who smiled at the sound,

"Tell me."  
"Well, for my fifth birthday, dad asked me what type of cake I would like, of course I said chocolate. Everyone I know liked chocolate and I knew I should like it so that's what I asked for. We were on a dig and Dad had to drive into Cairo to get the cake so it was a big deal. They got it for me even though they knew I wouldn't like it. I think they figured they would be eating it anyway, so a chocolate cake was purchased and when it came to eating it I took one bite and hated it."  
"What did you do?"  
"I knew I'd asked for it and that dad had gone out of his way to get it, so I told mum I was full and couldn't possibly eat another bite."  
"You were five!"  
"I know, but it was my usual response whenever I ate chocolate. Mum just laughed and gave me a hug. She didn't get upset, she just accepted it."  
"She loved you."  
"I know."

Daniel snuggled in close and wrapped his arm tighter around Jack,

"We'll be okay won't we?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You said you were worried about this year, we'll be okay wont we?"  
"We'll be as okay as we can be."  
"So, you're not worried about us?"  
"No, should I be?"  
"No, but I guess we never know huh."  
"True. But I'm not going anywhere and I'm not letting you go unless it's what you want so…I think we'll be good."  
"Just no more expensive presents okay."  
"Sorry, I can't promise that."  
"Jack…"  
"Nope, and no arguments."  
"I can't pay you back."  
"Been over this."

Daniel sighed and kissed Jacks chest,

"I love you."  
"I love you Space Monkey."

The pair were quiet for a few minutes and Jack was sure Daniel had fallen asleep so he was little surprised when he spoke,

"Jack, I know I've asked you not to but have you read my Journal lately?"  
"Nope, I promised you I wouldn't."  
"Hmm, would you?"  
"Would I what?"  
"Read my journal, if I asked you to?"  
"I guess, why would you want me to do that?"

Daniel was quiet for a long time but Jack didn't want to push the unusual turn in conversation,

"My journal's go back years. And I do mean years. My first one was used so I could practice holding a pencil."  
"That's a long time."  
"Obviously there's not much in them for the first few but the later ones."  
"I'll read them if you want me to."  
"Not all of them, that would be nuts, and I don't have them all anyway but there's one or two entries…"

Daniel went quiet again and Jack tried to figure out where he was going with the conversation,

"Jack, I love you."  
"And I love you."  
"I have never shown my journals to anyone."  
"I know."  
"But, I want to show them to you. I want you to understand."  
"Danny, you are a brilliant man, not many people could ever understand you."  
"I want you to. I want you to know me."  
"Good, I want to know you."

Daniel went quiet again and Jack's mind started to wander. The past few days had been a whirlwind, between Daniel meeting his family for the first time, Christmas, coming out to his family, being with Danny in the physical sense…he would need a holiday to get over his holiday.

_*We still have another week. Maybe we should head home a few days early? Spend some time together, just us. No one is expecting us back in the Springs till the first. A few days of just Daniel and I…no family, no Stargate…no outside distractions…too bad the cabin would be snowed in.*_

Jack ran a few scenarios over in his head before he finally drifted off to sleep.

_I wanna be inside your heaven  
Take me to the place you cry from  
Where the storm blows your way  
I wanna be the earth that holds you  
Every bit of air you're breathin' in  
A soothin' wind  
I wanna be inside your heaven  
_

* * *

Daniel woke up to an empty bed and the smell of meat frying. Sniffing appreciatively he stretched out, it took him a moment to realise he was alone.

Opening his eyes he noticed he was indeed alone. He got up and dressed, taking the opportunity in the rare moment of solitude to gather his thoughts.

He had slept well, he usually did when there was a pair of strong arms surrounding him, but his mind had been very active. The night before he had told Jack he wanted him to read some of his journal entries.

His journal was the most private thing he had. His innocence and youth had been stolen, his academic career was available for the world to see but his journals were sacred, they were his and his alone. But he wanted to take a leap of faith.

His relationship with Jack was unlike any other he had experienced. He had loved Amy, but even then he had been guarded, by the time Sarah came along he had bottled so much of himself up he hadn't been able to be who she needed him to be. Sha'ra had been different because she didn't have a clue who he was. All she knew was that he was the man who could speak her language and he had saved her. She loved him for that and nothing else mattered but Daniel knew it wouldn't be enough.

Jack had been his leader, his friend, he knew more about Daniel than anyone had cared to find out in a long time and he still stayed. Daniel could be distant, scared, cold, and Jack would be patient, kind and understanding. He didn't take Daniel at face value, he looked deeper and Daniel wanted him to. Jack had captured Daniel's heart and he was holding it with both hands. He trusted him with his deepest secrets and desires and Daniel wanted to reciprocate the feelings.

Daniel was still petrified of the future but he knew he wouldn't have a future if he didn't take the risk.

Heading downstairs he found Jack standing over the stove cooking up something whilst Caitlin and Chelsea were talking around the table,

"Hey." Daniel spoke softly, his brain still waking up from sleep.  
"Morning Danny!" Chelsea chimed,  
"Hey babe, sleep okay?"

Daniel nodded, a little hesitant at Jack's use of the nickname in an open setting. Jack tuned and handed him a cup of fresh coffee which Daniel gratefully took.

"Smells amazing."  
"Take a seat, Breakfast shouldn't be too long."

Daniel sat down and joined in on the conversation with the women of the house. It wasn't long before Jack was placing plate before them full of toast, eggs and cooked ham.

"Boxing Day Leftovers!" He exclaimed

Daniel took a bite, his eyes widening in surprise,

"Wow, this is really good!"  
"Dad's recipe. And a man always has to cook it." Chelsea stated as she took a bite,  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, mum looks after Christmas and dad took care of Boxing Day, it's Just the way it was."  
"Is, the way it is!" Jack corrected.  
"Well I don't care, I'm just happy to have you all here. If someone wants to cook for me I'm not going to complain." Caitlin acknowledged

Jack sat with his own plate and for a few minutes there was silence,

"So, I was thinking about heading home a few days early." Jack stated as they ate,  
"What? Why!" Chelsea exclaimed,  
"Yes, why?" Daniel questioned  
"For a few reasons, is that okay mamma?"  
"Of course dear, it's your decision obviously."

Jack nodded and continued eating, whilst Chelsea looked at Daniel questioningly. Daniel looked at her and shrugged, he had no idea what had prompted Jack to want to leave. When they'd finished breakfast Jack headed upstairs whilst Chelsea tried to talk Daniel into a board game,

"Come on, it will be fun!"  
"Scrabble?"  
"Come on, I want to see just how good you really are Doctor."

Daniel grinned and nodded,

"Okay then, you're on. I'll be right back."

Daniel left Chelsea to set up and headed upstairs to find his wayward partner. He walked into the bedroom and found Jack on the phone. He waited patiently until he was done, by the sound of it he was re-booking flights. When he had hung up Daniel walked over and sat next to him on the bed,

"Everything okay?"  
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"  
"Why are we leaving so soon? We're meant to be here another four days."  
"I know. I just felt like heading home."  
"Okay, why?"  
"Do I need a reason?"

Daniel was surprised at Jack's hard tone and not for the first time he was reminded of the distinct gap in their military careers. The Colonel was not used to being questioned.

"Yes."

Daniel wasn't giving in, he had given in his whole life but if Jack really did mean all he said then in their relationship they were equal. Jack blinked then a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth,

"You couldn't have screamed 'Three of Diamonds' any louder if you had tried!"  
"Why the sudden exit?"  
"Honestly, I want to be home."  
"You've been raving about coming her for months!"  
"I know, but Danny I really want to be home with you. Home with no one else; home with no Stargate, no work and no distractions of any kind. I just want a few days with you before we head back into the crazy."  
"Okay, if it's what you want we'll go."  
"I didn't ask you, I'm sorry."  
"It's okay, they're your family."  
"Yours as well, I should have asked, I just really want to get home."  
"Okay, we'll go home."

Jack smiled and kissed the side of Daniel's head,

"Thanks Danny…Our flight leaves at 2200."  
"Wow, you really aren't wasting any time. Come on then, your sister wants to play Scrabble."

Jack groaned and gave Daniel a pained look,

"Great, just what I need. Two brainiacs battling it out for knowledge supremacy."  
"That's a bit over dramatic don't you think?"  
"The Lawyer vs the Doctor? I don't think so. I think I'll stay out of this one."

…

"Maybe we should have imposed a time limit." Jack mumbled  
"They've already limited it to English; I don't think we could ask for more." Caitlin reasoned  
"There wouldn't have been much point if they hadn't."  
"How many languages can he speak anyway? Seven, eight?"  
"Twenty-six." Daniel piped up, "And another eight written."  
"Holy crap!" Chelsea exclaimed  
"It's not that hard, I mean take Italian, once you've learnt that then French is a breeze, I mean all the romance languages are similar."  
"That's still only a handful and you know Twenty-six!"

Daniel only shrugged and placed his next word.

"That's a triple word score I do believe."  
"And the rest." Chelsea mumbled.  
"We have to go soon Danny."

The pair had played all morning and now the afternoon was wearing on also. Jack had gone for a walk with Caitlin and when they'd returned they'd taken up residence in the lounge, watching the pair play their word game.

"Well I'm about ready to admit defeat anyway." Chelsea sighed  
"You did well Chels."  
"Not as good as you."  
"I'm sorry about that."  
"No you're not! That's okay, I'll kick your butt next time."  
"Sounds good." Daniel smiled, happy at the prospect of seeing Jack's family again.  
"We still on for a few days at the cabin in Summer?"  
"Sound's good to me. I'll have to check with my team leader though."  
"I'll talk him into it." Chelsea smirked  
"You have no control over me woman!" Jack challenged  
"Maybe not…mamma, Jack isn't playing fair!"  
"Jack, be nice to your sister."  
"Now who's not playing fair?"  
"All's fair in love and war BB."

Daniel grinned at the family. He still couldn't believe how comfortable he felt around them. He didn't want to leave but at the same time he was happy to be heading home. Jack was right; a few days alone would be great. He stood up and stretched,

"I guess we have to pack…how are we getting everything home?"  
"I've spoken to the Airline. It's all sorted."

Daniel nodded and looked around,

"I've had the best time here. I almost don't want to leave."  
"You'll have to come and visit me more often."

Chelsea jumped up and threw her arms around him,

"You'll miss me so much!" She squeezed him tightly before doing the same to her brother.  
"You could come visit us you know."  
"True, now that…I'm more available."

Jack sighed and hugged his sister tight.

"You'll be okay. I promise."

Chelsea sniffled and Daniel realised she was tearing up,

"You never break a promise."  
"Not if I can help it."

Daniel knew more than most the truth of that statement. It was something he relied on in his relationship with Jack, and so far he hadn't been disappointed.

"I know you aren't leaving yet but would you mind if I got one more photo? A family picture for the wall?" Caitlin asked quietly,  
"You know me mum, any chance to be in the spotlight!" Chelsea grinned through her tears  
"Thank you lass."  
"What about outside, the Snowman is still up." Jack suggested.

Chelsea nodded and the pair wandered outside. Daniel stood still, unsure what he was doing. He wasn't involved in a 'family' shot and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

"Come on dear."

Caitlin took his arm and led him outside.

"Off you go."  
"Oh, it's okay. I don't need to be in it."  
"What? Of course you do lad. You're part of this family and I want all my children in the photo."

Daniel blinked,

_*Her children?*_

And went to stand next to Jack who wrapped his arm around his waist

"I want a copy of this mamma."  
"Of course, now make sure you smile."

…

"Wow, it's good to be home."  
"You were only gone for five days."  
"I know, but we're gone so often, it's always good to be home."  
"I guess when you put it that way."

Jack flicked the switch and the lounge of his country-style home came alight.

"I'm tired but I'm not…"  
"You did sleep on the plane."  
"True."

It was late…or early depending on your perception of time but Jack wasn't feeling it.

"You tired?"  
"Not really."

Jack nodded and started taking his things upstairs, Daniel hesitated before following on. He automatically put his things in the spare room, something Jack frowned at but didn't comment on.

"Maybe a warm shower will help."  
"Sounds good." Daniel agreed, his eyes widening as he realised how it sounded, "I mean later…after you…not that we should…together I mean separate."

Jack smiled and put his bags down before pulling Daniel to him,

"I know what you meant. It's okay."

Daniel sighed, relieved Jack hadn't taken his meaning any differently. No matter his actions a few days before he was still nervous about an intimate relationship with Jack.

"We go at your pace remember."  
"Jack, would you want…I mean…"  
"Would I want to have a shower with you?"

At Daniels shy nod Jack's heart melted,

_*He is so beautiful.*_

"I wouldn't object, when you're ready. Daniel just because we…did things doesn't mean I expect it, but believe me after that, I want it."  
"But you don't expect it?"  
"Danny I was married for a long time, trust me you learn not to expect anything and you take anything that's offered. My promise still stands, we do things in your time."

Daniel nodded and Jack stepped away,

"So I'm going to have a shower, and when I come back I'm going to climb into bed. If you're there with me, awesome. If you aren't then you aren't."

Jack walked into the bathroom and Daniel heard the water begin to run. He shook his head and a small part of him felt relief, what he couldn't believe was the surprise he felt, only it wasn't surprise at Jack's statement, It was surprise at how he believed him.

_*I actually believe him. Like really believe him…he won't hurt me.*_

Daniel took a deep breath and followed his partner into the bathroom.

Jack heard the sound of movement and smiled. He was hoping Daniel would join him but still he was preparing himself not to be disappointed if he didn't. He deliberately forced himself not to react as the curtain moved aside and a pair of arms encircled his waist. He shivered, but not from the cold.

"I love you." Daniel whispered and Jack shivered again as he felts his warm breath tickle the side of his neck.  
"You didn't have to Danny."  
"I know."

The pair stood under the warm spray, neither moving, each just happy to be with the other. Finally Jack tuned around to face Daniel,

"How you doing?"  
"I'm good."  
"Good."  
"How are you?"  
"A bit nervous."

Daniel blinked; Jack never ceased to surprise him,

"You're nervous?"  
"Yeah."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know. I think I keep waiting for you to run out on me or something."  
"Why would I do that?"  
"Why wouldn't you? I mean with everything you've been through I'm surprised your willing to be in any sort of relationship with another man, let alone me."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Well, I mean look at me? I'm not exactly bachelor of the year am I. My knees are shot, my hair's going grey and I have scars all over me. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."

Daniel thought through his words. He wanted to assure him but he didn't want to say the words for the sake of talking, he wanted Jack to believe him.

"When I was moved from New York, I never wanted to be in the same room as another man again. But I knew that wasn't possible, especially in my field. I already knew I wanted to be an archaeologist so I had to bury everything and focus on my studies.

"I have been hesitant in all my relationships since, both friend and…more. I think that's why I've only had four intimate relationships, ours included.

"Each time, it wasn't the gender that I was interested in. Sure three out of four of my relationships have been female and I'm positive most of that was because of…everything…and I also haven't been attracted to a guy before, not like this anyway, anyway I was interested in the person. Their thoughts and feelings.

"When I met you, you were so different to everyone I had associated myself with. You were hard, bruised and battered but you cared still. Something about you drew me in, something in your eyes screamed out and I wanted to do anything I could to quieten them.

"I fell in love with you, and then I realised that I was physically attracted to you as well. I love your greying hair, I love your scars, I love you for who you are not who you wish you were. I love you Colonel Jack O'Neill and I don't want you to change."

Jack had tears running down his cheeks and he was thankful that the water of the shower could hide them.

"I wasn't going to come in you know." Daniel admitted, "but I'm glad I did."

Daniel leant forward and kissed Jack tenderly, his hands were resting on Jack's hips, their bodies still apart but Daniel pulled them together so they were touching. He was taking huge leaps with Jack, ones he hadn't taken with anyone in a long time. Even his time with Sha'ra had been few and far between.

"I love you." Daniel whispered, "Jack, help me forget?"

Jack's breathing hitched he nodded.

"I love you Daniel."

He held the younger man close, their chests touching and their hearts beating as one.

As the water cooled Jack realised Daniel had fallen asleep against him. Not wanting the moment to end Jack raised the temperature by turning off the cold water. Jack stood supporting them both, letting the water wash over them, cleansing them both of their fears.

_When we touch, when we love  
The stars light up  
The wrong becomes undone  
Naturally, my soul surrenders  
The sun and the moonlight  
All my dreams are in your eyes  
_

* * *

Over the next few days, the boys did nothing except sit, talk and love. It wasn't physical in any sense, in fact Jack noticed that Daniel seemed to have backed up to where they'd been before Christmas but he wasn't complaining. He'd had a taste and he knew it would be worth the wait.

They played games, namely chess and watched movies; Read books and simply enjoyed each other's company. As far as Jack was concerned it was his favorite part of their break so far.

Daniel was glad not to have to put on an act, they could be themselves completely. No hidden meanings in their words, no double checking their actions, it simply was.

Daniel was laying back against Jack, writing in his journal whilst Jack watched some TV when he rolled and looked into his partners eyes,

"Hey, would you mind if I ducked out for a bit?"  
"No, that's fine. Where you off to?"  
"I want to get something from home, that okay?"  
"Of course, you don't need to ask my permission."  
"Okay, I'll be back."

Daniel kissed him and got up off the couch,

"Actually, I might head out too, we need some groceries."  
"I can get them if you like?"  
"No, it's fine. I should probably do something anyway. Don't want to get lazy."

Daniel smiled and grabbed his keys, waving as he headed out the door. Jack's smile stayed only as long as it took for the door to close, a frown appearing on his features.

_*I hope one day you think of this house as your home.*_

…

Daniel opened the door of his apartment and sighed,

_*This isn't home, not anymore.*_

He checked the feeder on his fish tank before heading into the spare bedroom. It was lined with boxes. Taking a deep breath he started to move them around, keeping a certain order to them as he headed for one at the bottom.

Each box was filled with his journals, he hadn't been kidding when he'd said he had been keeping them since he could write. Most from his early years had been lost or taken, never to be seen again. He'd managed to keep hold of a few, the one he wrote when he was eleven was still around, he was very wary of that one falling into the wrong hands. They started consecutively again when he was sixteen.

He finally opened the last box and moved the notebooks around till he found the one he was after. Getting up he walked out of the room, turning the light off on his past.

…

Jack came home to find Daniel's car back in the drive, he breathed a sigh of relief.

_*He's home, where he belongs.*_

He walked inside with the bags to find the house empty. Setting his packages down he found a notebook sitting on the bench, it was propped open and a note was sitting over it,

'_Jack, as I promised this is one of my journals. I was sixteen when I wrote this. It may not mean anything to you but I want you to read it.'_

Jack glanced around, the house seemed empty but Jack figured he knew where Daniel would be. He picked up the book and took it into the lounge. Settling back on the couch he opened the pages to the one marked

_### Daniel's Journal ###_

'_I graduated today, I don't see what all the fuss is about, I mean it wasn't all that hard really. A few tests, getting a bit of paper. I mean I'm happy about it don't get me wrong, it means I can finally do what I want to do. I got into Harvard, I'm not the youngest to go there but apparently it's still an accomplishment. I wish mum and dad were around, I think I'd be happier about the whole thing if I knew they were supporting me._

_I get to move to Boston, I haven't been there before so that will be different. Boston is apparently beautiful in the fall; I can't wait to see it. I like the idea that I will be able to live by my own rules, I won't have to worry about anyone else. For the first time it will just be me. I can escape…_

_Maybe I'll meet someone, not that it's a pre-requisite but the concept is intriguing. Maybe I'll find someone who likes me for me, not what they can take from me. I don't even know why I'm thinking about that, I never have before. I wish I had someone to talk to about all this._

_I wonder what it's like to be able to talk to someone who understands, someone who cares. It would be nice._

_### End Entry ###_

Jack sat back and sighed, Even at sixteen Daniel was extraordinary and he knew that over the next four years he would complete a doctorate.

_*Why that entry Danny? It's not to show off how smart you are, that's not you and I knew it already anyway, so what is it? Do you want to escape again? You seem happy, maybe you aren't? Am I pressuring you too hard? Is this your way of telling me to back off?*_

Jack's heart was beating a hundred mile an hour, he thought he and Daniel had been travelling fine, but now he wasn't so sure.

Closing the Journal Jack put it aside and walked out to the deck to where he was sure his partner would be waiting.

…

Daniel was leaning against the wall, he'd wrapped a blanket around himself to fight off the chill but he wasn't willing to go back inside. He wanted room to breathe.

The entry he'd given Jack wasn't anything profound but he wanted Jack to read it, he wanted him to understand.

Daniel waited patiently for Jack to appear and he smiled slightly when he did.

"I knew you'd be out here."  
"I felt like some fresh air."

Daniel shifted a little to look up at Jack who sat next to him, his hands tucked tightly into his pockets.

"Fresh is an understatement."  
"It's warmer than Minnesota."  
"True, but not by much."

Daniel offered up some of the blanket but Jack seemed hesitant to take it,

"Danny, are we okay?"  
"Yes, at least I think we are, aren't we?"  
"I guess, I mean yes, I mean…you're not trying to leave me?"  
"No, unless you want me to?"

Daniel's voice had quietened and Jack realised he'd shrunk away slightly. Mentally kicking himself Jack took hold of him and pulled him tight,

"No, never. You aren't going anywhere Dr Jackson."

Daniel leant against Jack and breathed a sigh of relief, taking in the smell of Jack's shirt, Daniel relaxed,

"Okay."  
"Sorry Danny, Obviously I misinterpreted your journal, want to explain it to me?"  
"You smell good."

Jack grinned and kissed the top of his head,

"Happy to oblige."  
"I wanted you to read it to try and understand me."  
"Okay."  
"Jack that is the first time that I can remember ever wishing for something, well something that didn't include my parents being alive. I was sixteen, I should have been wanting heaps of things but up until that moment I had only ever wanted mum and dad."  
"That's understandable."  
"But right then I wished I had someone to share my life with. Even just a friend who would understand that I wasn't interested in the things a normal sixteen year old would be. Someone who would be happy enough to be around me as me."

Jack still wasn't sure what the point was so he kept quiet, hugging Daniel and making sure he was kept warm.

"If you read back through my journals you'll find a common thread, I haven't found anyone who was happy to be with me. Sure I've thought there have been a few but in the end it was never me they wanted…until Sha'ra."

Jack stiffened but didn't pull away. It wasn't news to him about Daniel's relationship with his wife and he knew that if the gate hadn't been re-activated then Daniel would most likely be living a happy existence with Sha'ra on Abydos. The thought upset him.

"The difference with Sha'ra was that she was never mine to have, or I wasn't hers…the point is I had already met the person that I wanted to share things with, I had met the one who I *wanted* to talk to and although we may not have been friends at the time, I don't think my heart cared."

Jack relaxed again as he finally saw where Daniel was going,

"Jack I've been wishing for a very long time for someone who would be happy to simply sit with me. Someone who I could talk to…and I'm glad you're here."  
"Me too."

Jack wrapped the blanket tighter around them both and continued to hold on to Daniel, happy that they were on the same page.

"I love you." Jack breathed, still amazed he was able to say the words out loud.  
"I know, me too."

_And I wanna be inside your heaven  
Take me to the place you cry from  
Where the storm blows you away  
And I wanna be the earth that holds you  
Every bit of air you're breathing in  
A soothing wind  
I wanna be inside your heaven_

* * *

The days merged until Daniel found himself sitting on the couch with Jack watching the ball drop in New York.

"Have you ever seen it? For real?" Jack queried,  
"No, I mean I lived there but I never actually saw it."  
"Maybe we should go next year?"

Daniel smiled and nodded,

"Next year? You're thinking that far ahead?"  
"I've thought a lot further than that Daniel."

Daniel wasn't quite sure what to think. He loved Jack but experience had taught him not to think too far ahead because thing change so quickly, It wasn't worth getting your hopes up.

"Really? How far ahead?"

Jack looked over at his partner and guessed what he was thinking,

"Way far."  
"That's not a proper use of English."  
"I'm American. I can look so far ahead I can see tombstones."  
"That's creepy."  
"Good point. Danny whenever I think about my life and what's to come, all I know is that you're with me."  
"Life doesn't always work out how we'd expect."  
"No it doesn't, but that doesn't mean we can't hope for something more."

Daniel nodded but was still skeptical, hope wasn't a word he found too often in his vocabulary. Jack looked back at the TV as the countdown began. Leaning over so he was virtually lying on top of Daniel, he brushed the long hair aside so he had an un-obstructed view,

"My hope for us is that one day you will believe me when I say that we have forever. Now what forever looks like I don't know but in my world forever means forever, and I want you in that forever with me."

Daniel gave a kind of half smile,

"My forever is never really that long."  
"Well, let's aim to change that. Daniel we are two very different men in a relationship that isn't accepted by the world at large. We are going to have our ups and downs but at the end of the day we need to believe in ourselves and what we can accomplish together. We have family and friends who love us, we have a crazy, ridiculous job that is kind of awesome and above that we have each other."  
"Sounds like a Hallmark card."  
"It does a little doesn't it? But do you understand what I'm saying?"

Daniel sighed and nodded,

"I do, I just…I still have trouble believing it."

The two men looked over at the TV in time to see the clock strike midnight,

"It's 1998 Danny, a New Year. Happy New Year."  
"Happy New Year."

_When minutes turn to days and years_  
_If mountains fall, I'll still be here_  
_Holdin you until the day I die_  
_And I wanna be inside your heaven_  
_Take me to the place you cry from_  
_Where the storm blows you away_

* * *

Jack proceeded to kiss Daniel, gently at first but eventually their bodies took over and things became more heated,

"You know what they say about New Year?" Jack breathed heavily  
"What's that?"  
"Whatever you do on the stroke of midnight you'll be doing the following year."  
"Sound's good."

Daniel reached under Jack's t-shirt and ran his hands over the warm skin. Both men groaned at the contact and Jack took the move as encouragement, pressing himself on Daniel so there was barely a millimeter between them. Daniel didn't mind and his fingers began kneading the muscles on Jack's back.

"I've had enough TV." Daniel whispered  
"Good, me too."

Jack sat up and switched off the unit with the remote. Daniel sat up as well and got off the couch,

"Wait, where are you going?"

Jack was confused, he'd been enjoying himself and he didn't want to finish yet,

"I'm going upstairs where it's way more comfortable."  
"Oh."  
"Unless you'd rather stay down here?"

Daniel raised an eyebrow as he headed up the stairs. It only took Jack a second to switch off the lights and follow Daniel up. He walked into his room and smiled as he saw his partner sitting on the bed. Daniel got up and walked the few steps to Jack, fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt, Daniel moved his hands up to their previous position of resting on Jack's back.

"Now, where were we?"

Jack lent forward and kissed Daniel again. Daniel walked backward pulling Jack with him till they were once again positioned with Jack on top of him this time with enough room to move about freely without fear of falling.

Daniel lifted the hem of Jack's shirt and quickly dragged it over his head. He ran his hands over every inch of the older man, savoring the little hairs on his chest, feeling the ridges of his scars, manipulating the muscles that proved his years of military service.

_*Oh God, I want him.*_

Jack looked down into Daniel's bright blue eyes and noticed how they darkened the more Daniel touched him. His body reacted and Jack could feel himself growing in length.

_*Oh Daniel, I want you so much. I wish this wasn't so hard for you. Alright Jack, start preparing yourself.*_

"Jack…"  
"I know babe, its okay."

Jack began to pull away but found himself pulled back down. He fell on Daniel and gasped as he came in contact with Daniel's own growing length.

"Jack…I want this. It's a new year, I want things to be different."  
"Daniel I…"  
"Just…keep going, don't stop."  
"I will if you want me to, no matter how far…"  
"I know Jack, believe me I know. I want you, God I want you so much!"

Jack crushed his lips against Daniel's and reached down for the bottom of Daniel's sweater. He sat back enough to pull the sweater and t-shirt off in one movement leaving the both of them with nothing but skin between them.

"You are so beautiful."

Jack began kissing Daniel's jawline and slowly made his way south. Upon reaching his chest he quickly flicked his tongue out to make contact with Daniel's nipple. Daniel hissed in response and arched his back slightly.

"Oh God…Jack."

Jack recognised the tone as lust not fear and so proceeded to the other side, eliciting the same response. Taking a deep breath Jack continued kissing his way down until he reached the waistband of Daniel's sweatpants. Kissing the patch of skin just below his navel Jack looked up at Daniel who only nodded slightly at the question in Jack's eyes. Taking a calming breath Jack reached up and hooked his fingers in the waistband, pulling the item of clothing down Daniel's legs.

…

Daniel couldn't believe the feelings flowing through him

_*This isn't just want and need, it's trust, love…I want him so much it hurts.*_

As Jack's mouth came into contact with his nipples, desire shot through him, he had never felt anything like this before. It wasn't even close to his previous experiences, it was something new. As Jack sunk lower Daniel watched him raise his head and ask a single question with his eyes

_*Yes, I'm sure. Please, I want this.*_

Daniel couldn't mistake the way Jack's eyes lit up at his unspoken response. They both wanted this, they both needed it.

Daniel's breath caught as Jack removed his sweats and boxers, his hands running firmly up and down Daniel's thighs,

"J'ck…"

Daniel's breathing shortened, his brain short-firing as Jack nuzzled the hair covering his abdomen. His manhood was long and hard as Jack let his tongue dance lightly down its length.

…

Jack couldn't believe he was doing what he was doing. For months he had dreamed of pleasuring Daniel and now here he was doing just that,

_*Better than I imagined.*_

The smooth skin of Daniel's member felt like velvet under his tongue and when he eventually parted his lips over the tip and drew him in he couldn't help but smile,

_*Oh wow, you taste so good. So big and so good!*_

Jack started moving slowly but his pace quickened rapidly as his body took over. He wanted as much of Daniel as he could get and he wasn't willing to wait any longer.

…

As Jack's mouth closed over him, Daniel's hands gripped the sheets on either side of him and he spread his legs a little wider so Jack could have greater access.

_*Oh my…Jack…so good…want…more…*_

Daniel's eyes sprung open at the thought, even in his pleasure ridden mind he managed to process the concept,

_*I do…I want more…*_

Reaching down he ran his fingers through Jack's short hair and massaged the scalp in time with Jack's movements. He didn't want to stop him but he wanted him to know where he was at. As Jack reached under and gently fondled his balls Daniel's hips thrust up of their own accord. He knew he wouldn't last too long if Jack did that again so he put a bit more pressure on jack's head and called out,

"Jack! Oh my…Jack wait."

Daniel saw Jack cringe slightly but he stopped and slowly pulled away.

_*Not for long Jack, promise.*_

"Jack I want you."  
"Then why did you stop me?"  
"Because I want…more."  
"More?"

Jack wasn't thinking too clearly, in fact he was barely thinking about anything except what he had just given up.

"Yes, more…Jack I want you…more of you."

Jack's eyes widened as he finally grasped Daniel's meaning and for the first time he hesitated,

"Danny I…"  
"Do you not want to? I don't want to force…"  
"No, I do, believe me I do but…I don't…Daniel I've never…I mean I've read…I don't want to hurt you."

Daniel smiled and in that moment he knew he was doing the right thing.

"It's okay, you won't hurt me."  
"But I…don't know."  
"Yes you do. I'll help. Please Jack, I want you inside me. I want to forget…everything…but you. I want you."

Jack leapt forward and kissed Daniel soundly,

"I love you."  
"I love you too…now go back to what you were doing."

Jack obeyed without question,

_*Good Colonel.*_

It didn't take long for Daniel to be writhing under him again. After a few minutes Jack relinquished his prize and moved up Daniel's body again.

"Swap."

Daniel didn't respond except to roll them over. Straddling Jack's waist Daniel repeated Jack's ministrations causing Jack to react in much the same way.

Finally Daniel got up and lay down next to Jack, turning them both on their sides Daniel kissed Jack gently but firmly

"We're going to need lubricant in the future but for now…there are other ways."  
"Top drawer."  
"Huh?"

Jack nodded toward the night stand and Daniel reached over, breathing sharply as Jack nipped at his skin. Opening the top drawer Daniel reached inside and found a tube of the needed item. He raisd an eyebrow,

"Just in case." Jack shrugged. Daniel rolled his eyes but kissed Jack anyway,  
"I'm sure you know how to use this."  
"I'm familiar with the concept." Daniel noticed the apprehension in Jack's voice and he smiled shyly,  
"Jack, I trust you. I want this but if you don't then…"  
"Just tell me to stop and I will."  
"I know."

Daniel rolled over and Jack knelt over him. He was finally getting what he wanted and he was nervous as hell. Uncapping the tube he squeezed a bit out and began rubbing it over his length,

"Okay babe, we go at your pace."  
"Use your fingers, it helps."

Jack felt sick, knowing exactly how Daniel knew what he did but he tried to push the thoughts aside. That was the past and one day the man involved would pay but for now, he had other things to attend to.

Using one finger he rubbed some lube around Daniel's tight hole and pushed against the ring of muscle. It was tight but he felt Daniel relax around him and instantly he became excited at the prospect of what was about to happen.

"Daniel I…"  
"That's it, just like that. Try two."

Jack obliged and as he pushed inside Daniel again he felt Daniel push back against him. He kept at it for a few minutes until he was sure Daniel was ready. In the end it was Daniel who moved them forward.

"Jack please…"

Pulling his hand away Jack positioned himself behind Daniel and pressed himself against him.

"Daniel are you sure?"

Jack was so far gone he wasn't sure what he would do if Daniel said no but he had to ask. Daniel responded by pushing back slightly causing Jack to enter him. It was tight and hot and Jack gasped I pleasure. He almost came then and there. Daniel cried out and Jack barely registered it wasn't in pain.

"Oh God, Daniel I love you. I love you so freaking much."

Daniel pushed back again and the two men found a rhythm. It wasn't fast and it wasn't slow but if asked both would have said it was too fast and too slow at once.

"Jack, my Jack…love you Jack."  
"Love you Danny."

The men pushed against each other, sweat pouring off them as their exertion reached a pinnacle.

"Danny, I can't…Danny…"

Jack came in a rush and the sensation sent Daniel over the edge at the same time. Both men collapsed on the bed, neither caring about the mess that had been made.

It took a while for them to catch their breath and when Jack finally found the energy to move he only rolled away. The effort of actually getting up too much for him to handle. He moved some damp strands of hair away from Daniel's face and brushed his cheek,

"Hey, you okay?"

Daniel opened his eyes and smiled,

"I am, are you?"  
"Very."

Daniel closed his eyes again, the smile staying in place. Jack couldn't help but stare at the young man before him.

"You're incredible." He whispered  
"So are you." Daniel replied

Jack reached down and used the comforter to clean up what he could of both him and Daniel.

"We need a shower." Daniel mumbled  
"Later."

Jack pulled the comforter out from under them essentially clearing the mess and reaching under the bed he pulled out a second blanket, covering them for the night.

Daniel snuggled in and Jack sighed contentedly

"Happy Birthday Jack."

Jack stared down at his lover in surprise,

"How did you…"  
"I love you."

Jack settles down and wrapped his arms around Daniel, holding him tight.

"I love you."

As he drifted away Jack reflected on the evening that had past and he made a promise,

_*We will have a future Danny, a long and wonderful future. God help anyone who gets in our way.*_

Kissing Daniel one last time he let sleep wash over him,

_*Best birthday ever!*  
_

_I wanna be inside your heaven_  
_Take me to the place you cry from_  
_Where the storm blows you away_  
_I wanna be the earth that holds you_  
_Every bit of air you're breathin' in_  
_A soothin' wind_  
_I wanna be inside your heaven_

**The End - For Now**


	2. Storms In Africa

**Storms In Africa**

**Author:** Midnyteblue  
**Pairing:** Jack/Daniel, Friendship/Slash  
**Rating:** NC17  
**Spoilers:** The Game Keeper (Minor)  
**Summary:** The team head into their first day back after the holidays  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine never have been or will be. Fic inspired by the beautiful Enya  
**AN:** Thanks everyone for your support, it means a lot that you like this series Xo

* * *

Thunder broke through grey sky and Jack opened his eyes at the sound. A few moments later a flash lit the room even though the curtains were drawn.

_*Please don't let this be a sign of today's mission.*_

He was due back at Stargate Command today for the first time since going on leave for the holidays. It's wasn't a bad thing, he actually enjoyed his job but a gut feeling he'd had for over a week told him it wasn't going to be an easy one and now the storm that had sprung up weighed down on his mind.

_*It's just a feeling, nothing more. If we ran our lives by our emotions we'd be screwed.*_

Stretching out he realised his arm was being weighed down by something, actually someone.

_*Correction, sometimes running with our emotions is the best way to live.*_

Jack manoeuvred his arm out from under the sleeping figure next to him who barely moved at the disruption.

_*Okay babe, time to get up.*_

Jack brushed some hair away from Daniel's eyes and allowed his hand to linger on his shoulder,

"Danny, work time."  
"Hmm."  
"Come on, I'll make you some coffee."  
"Mmmhmm."

Jack smiled contentedly and walked across the hall to the bathroom, turning on the tap to get the hot water flowing he went back into the bedroom to pry his lover from their bed.

"Come on Danny, water's running."  
"d'rk"  
"There's a storm outside, sun isn't coming up today."  
"blergh."

Daniel rolled over and somehow managed to land on two feet without falling over. Blinking his eyes he stumbled toward the sound of running water. Shaking his head Jack headed downstairs to make some much needed coffee.

As he was placing the first cup under the dispenser he pushed against the bench, stretching his back out as he did.

_*I need to get back into a routine, Christmas has thrown me right off.*_

Doing a few quick stretches Jack made a second coffee and poured a bowl of cereal for himself and put a waffle in the toaster for Daniel.

_*Okay, tomorrow I'm going for a run, gotta get back in shape. I don't think I even remember what exercise is.*_

As the thought ran through his mind another clap of thunder sounded,

_*Although I didn't mind yesterday's exercise routine. Geeze, Daniel! That was…*_

He looked down at his coffee cup which he realised was shaking as he held it in his hands,

_*Okay, get a grip O'Neill. You're headed back into the lions' den, you can't think about Daniel like that. Not his gorgeous body, his long legs, his…*_

Jack was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of his Daniel coming down the stairs, hair still damp from his shower, eyes much brighter.

"Hey, you made coffee!"  
"You sound surprised."  
"No I just…thankyou."  
"You are most welcome."

Daniel took the cup and sniffed it appreciatively,

"How long before we have to leave?"  
"Long enough for you to eat this." Jack replied pushing his waffle toward him along with the syrup  
"What would I do without you?" Daniel grinned  
"Let's not find out."  
"So do you think we'll get an easy one today?" Daniel asked taking a mouthful of his sugary breakfast,  
"First day back, shouldn't be too bad."

As he spoke another crack of thunder rumbled across the sky. The pair looked at each other and Daniel raised an eyebrow,

_*It means nothing! Nothing at all.*_

…

_*Well that sucked! Always trust your instincts O'Neill, always!*_

Jack looked around at the beautiful garden he was standing in,

_*How could anyone think a virtual world is better than this!*_ "This is real this time, isn't it?"

He was sticking as close as possible to Daniel who although he looked okay; Jack could tell he was on the verge of a breakdown.

_*Why the hell couldn't they have at least put us together! Why did he have to see…God why did *I* have to see it! At least it wasn't one of his other New York memories, Okay don't think about that.*_

"Do not pull that! You are ruining the garden! I told you they will ruin everything - first the garden, next the entire planet!" The Gamekeeper looked incredibly stressed but Jack found he didn't care.

_*For what you have just put us through, you could be balancing on the edge of hell and I may just give you a push.*_

He glanced at Daniel,

"It's real." They commented at the same time  
"You are ruining the garden!"

Jack turned and took the offered gun from Sam,

"Thank you ma'am."

They headed back to the gate leaving the ranting Gamekeeper behind them.

"Well that was a fun way to start the year." Sam quipped  
"I can think of a better word CaptainCarter."  
"I can think of a few." Jack muttered.  
"Where did you guys end up anyhow?"  
"East Germany. Not my best mission."  
"Ouch, sorry Sir."  
"Yes well, I should have expected it I guess."  
"How so?"  
"I just…had a feeling. I mean I had a great Christmas and everything and I just…I had a feeling."  
"Well it's all over now. Back to reality – so to speak."

Sam smiled as she stopped in front of the DHD to start dialling. Teal'c was waiting patiently beside her giving Jack the opportunity he needed to glance at his partner. Daniel was standing with his arms folded around him and a blank look dulling his bright eyes,

_*Oh this storm isn't over, not by a long shot!*_

"Okay everyone, let's finish this." Jack spoke up as they headed back through the gate.

As bad as the mission had been Jack had to admit that the two weeks he'd had away from the Stargate had him missing it. He liked the feel of the unknown and he loved his job, but what he missed the most was the feeling he got inside as Daniel watched the gate open. Seeing his eyes light up as the gate activated always gave him a happy thrill.

_*Not doing it for him today though.*_

Jack followed Daniel through the gate and out onto the ramp in Stargate Command.

"How'd it go Colonel?"

"Very good General. Would you mind terribly if I check you for any alien devices that might have us believing in an alternate reality?"  
"What on earth are you going on about Colonel?"  
"Oh nothing Sir."

Daniel walked straight past the General and out of the room,

"Would you mind explaining in English what you're talking about? What's wrong with Dr. Jackson?"  
"It's been a rough day General. A very rough day."  
"Well you can tell me all about it in ten."  
"Yes Sir."

Jack followed Daniel out of the Gate room with Sam and Teal'c following on.

"I'll find Daniel, get changed and we'll meet for the debriefing."  
"Sir?"  
"Carter?"  
"Why is it always Daniel?"  
"I have no idea."

…

General Hammond watched his flagship team leave the room. Something had happened and whilst he could see no physical problems he wasn't so sure there weren't scars.

_*Just once I want them to go on an easy mission. Just once.*_

…

Jack followed Daniel down the halls but stopped short of actually speaking to him. In the walls of the facility neither of them could afford to lose vigilance**. **Their relationship was a no-go-zone and it wasn't something they could afford to forget. Suddenly Daniel spun around to stare at his partner,

"Are you going to follow me everywhere?"  
"I just thought we should talk, about what happened."

Jack was surprised; he had never seen Daniel look so…bitter. Angry, hurt, upset, even happy but never this.

"What's there to talk about? We both had sucky days. We'll get over it and go out again tomorrow."  
"You're right, we will. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't talk about it. Daniel, neither of us should have gone through what we did. I mean talk about therapy for life!"  
"Nothing I haven't dealt with before."

With that Daniel turned back around and kept walking. Jack stood in his spot, staring after him. After a few moments he turned and headed back toward the Briefing room.

_*We will deal with this Doctor. You should know better by now.*_

…

Daniel walked away from Jack and rounded the corner; stopping he leant back against the wall, trusting Jack wouldn't follow him. After a few moments he continued on toward the armoury to drop off his weapon before the de-brief.

He hadn't meant to be short with Jack but he didn't feel he had any other option. They were in the SGC and there was no way he could talk to Jack and maintain his composure. So he'd raised his defences and shut him out. For now it would be the best.

Daniel signed his weapon back in and headed back to the meeting room. Sam and Teal'c were already seated, Jack walked in behind him.

"I made you a coffee Daniel." Sam spoke quietly, nodding to the seat next to her,

"Thanks Sam, that's great."  
"So I've barely seen you since before Christmas, did you want to grab a sandwich or something after this?"  
"Sure. Sound's good."

Daniel avoided eye contact with Jack and started sipping his coffee. Jack sat down opposite and simply stared straight ahead. The team sat in awkward silence as they waited for General Hammond to come in.

_*I don't want him to be upset with me, but what I did was horrible!*_ Daniel sunk a little in his seat as he sat waiting, his mind playing the mission over and over. _*Every time I think I'm in a good place something happens to wreck it. I don't think we'll be able to fix this.*_

_*Poor Daniel, poor Colonel! I mean he obviously didn't have a good time either. Well at least they have each other. SAM! You swore you wouldn't think about…that. Nothing to know, nothing to tell. They're happy and that's what matters. At least I hope they're happy. Daniel had better be happy. Okay maybe I will ask a few non-specific questions. I mean I don't want to know what they do or don't do when they're alone…SAM!*_

_*Geeze he's gorgeous. Okay stop it O'Neill, you're still being watched. It's no time to let your guard down. I knew something was coming, I just knew it! Its okay Danny, you'll be okay. We'll get through it together.*_

_*This has been an interesting day. ColonelO'Neill seems to be handling it well. He is more concerned about DanielJackson. As am I. Maybe DanielJackson would like to kel'no'reem. I will suggest it to him.*_

Daniel sighed and closed his eyes as Hammond came in,

_*Please let this end quickly.*_

_Cá fhad é ó...  
Cá fhad é ó...  
Siúl tríd na stoirmeacha  
Dul tríd na stoirmeacha_

_**Translation:**__  
How far is it from...  
How far is it from...  
Walk through the storms.  
Go through the storms._

* * *

"I know it's been a long day but seeing as none of you are physically injured I need you back here tomorrow."  
"We'll be fine General." Jack stated, looking at his team briefly.  
"Glad to hear it. Get some sleep and meet back here at 0900."

Jack nodded and stood as the General left. Sitting back in his chair he raised an eyebrow at the rest of SG1.

"Long day doesn't quite cover it, does it?"  
"No Sir. Way to start the year!"  
"Hope you all enjoyed your holiday, looks like we're back in business."

Teal'c got up and nodded his goodbyes before heading out of the room. Sam stood and looked down at Daniel,

"Still up for something to eat?"

Daniel glanced quickly at Jack before smiling at her,

"Sure."  
"I'm heading out, see you later." Jack declared raising a hand in farewell  
"I…" Daniel started to speak but stopped as quickly as he started. "Never mind."

Jack surveyed the room before looking straight at Daniel,

"Sure? Okay well I'll see you then…later."

It was a pointed statement that Daniel picked up on,

_*He wants me to come over. Geeze, I'm too tired to fight. Maybe I'll stay here tonight.*_ "See you."

Jack lingered for a moment longer before leaving the room. Daniel got up and followed Sam out the door. When they were alone in the corridor Sam linked her arm with Daniel's,

"How are you? Really?"  
"I'm fine Sam. Seriously. Today hasn't been…the best but I'll be okay. I mean I see that moment every day anyway, it was just hard to see it on repeat and to actually hear and touch…but I'll be okay."  
"I worry about you."  
"I know."

They continued walking to the Commissary, passing a few personnel on the way. Sam couldn't help grinning at the sideways glances thrown their way. She unhooked her arm and continued walking alongside her friend.

"So, I want to hear all about your Christmas, how was it? Did you have fun?"

Sam looked over to find Daniel glowing a bright shade of red,

"Okay, I guess you did have fun. On second thought I don't want to know."  
"It was a good break, really good. Mrs O'Neill is a beautiful woman and Chelsea…Jack's sister is so much like Jack. I had a great time."  
"I'm glad to hear it. You know you left quite a commotion back here the day you left."

Daniel chuckled and Sam relaxed at the sound,

_*There he is.*_  
"Yes. I am sorry about that."  
"Don't be! I'm certainly not complaining." She smirked. Daniel rolled his eyes causing Sam to laugh, "Seriously though, it's fine. It may even work in your favour."  
"How so?"  
"Well, now everyone thinks that we…" she gestured between them both  
"That's insane." Daniel muttered then realising what he'd said he tried to back track, "I mean…it's not insane that anyone would want to be with you, I mean you're a very attractive woman and anyone would love to be with you it's just…Oh, you know what I mean don't you?"  
"I do, it's okay. I get it."  
"I didn't mean it like that."  
"I know, but you have to admit, at least the attention will be off…um…"  
"Other parties?"  
"Exactly."  
"Has it been…obvious?"  
"I guess not, but there is always talk about how close the two of you are. Any misleading information can only be a good thing."

The pair turned into the commissary and grabbed some food before sitting down,

"You're right, it is good." Daniel continued, "I honestly didn't mean for it to happen though Sam, I mean you and me…I guess the other as well but before I meant before I left for Christmas…I was just a bit excited."  
"Hey, that's good enough for me."  
"So how was your Christmas?"  
"Well, it was very quiet. I spent quite a bit of time with Janet and Cassie but apart from that I just had some down time. I went for a small road trip, only a few days. Camped out under the stars."  
"You're crazy. It's the middle of winter."  
"And I loved every second."  
"That's good to hear."  
"When did you get back?"  
"Nearly a week ago." Daniel admitted  
"Really? I figured you would be back as late as possible."  
"So did I, but in the end we decided to come home on Boxing Day and spend a few days here…"  
"I get it." Sam smiled. Daniel nodded and bit into his bread roll, "Daniel, are you okay?"

Daniel looked at Sam in confusion, unsure of what she was talking about,

"In what regard?"  
"Just in general. Are you okay?"

Daniel took another bite, trying to figure out what to say and what to hold back,

"I think so."  
"You think?"  
"Well, before today I would have said yes. I mean…yes I was very okay. Sam, this Christmas was incredible. It wasn't just getting out and meeting Jack's family, I really did have an amazing time. Sam I was happy. I was accepted, even when they found out…I had a family. And J..."

Daniel looked around and noticed just how many people were sitting close by,

"Well, things were good."  
"I'm glad." Sam stated softly, "But now?"  
"Now…Sam I don't think…I don't know."  
"You seemed okay this morning."  
"We were definitely okay this morning." Daniel murmured with a small smile. Sam groaned and playfully hit her head against her hands,  
"You're like a pair of teenagers!" She whispered,  
"Sorry. Anyway, after what the Game Keeper did to him and after what I did…I just don't know."

Sam was very confused. She had been with Daniel the whole time and she couldn't think of any point where there had been a problem, other than the obvious.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. Daniel the C…you have people who care about you, a lot."  
"So I keep hearing."  
"Well maybe one day you'll believe us." Sam sat back with a smile.  
"Maybe."

The pair continued to chat and Sam got the feeling that Daniel didn't really want to go home.

_*What is it you think you've done?*_

Finally Sam looked at her watch and stretched,

"I think I'm going to head home."  
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

Sam got up and walked around the table, leaning over she whispered in his ear.

"Go home Daniel, don't stay here. Trust me, it'll be okay."

Daniel nodded blankly and Sam squeezed his shoulders before heading out. Daniel sat for a little bit longer debating what to do.

_Cá fhad é ó...nananana...  
an tús don stoirm? ...nananana...  
Cá fhad é ó ...nananana...  
an tús go deireadh?_

_**Translation:**__  
How far is it from  
the start of the storm?  
How far is it from  
the beginning to the end?_

* * *

Daniel used his key to unlock the front door of Jack's home. I was still pouring outside and the house was dark, and a quick inspection proved that Jack had already gone to bed. Leaving his satchel on the lounge Daniel kicked off his shoes and headed up the stairs. He hesitated outside the door to the spare room before taking a deep breath and walking a little further to stand in front of Jack's. He quietly pushed the door open and went inside.

Stripping down till he was only wearing a t-shirt and boxers he walked over to the bed and not wanting to wake his partner he carefully climbed under the covers. Instantly he felt a strong arm wrap around his torso and pull him tight.

"You should be asleep." Daniel murmured  
"Waiting for you."  
"How did you know I'd come?"  
"I didn't."

Daniel rolled on his side and felt Jack press in behind him. He sighed with contentment and relaxed back against him.

"So, ready to talk yet?" Jack mumbled  
"It's late."  
"I love you."

Daniel didn't respond. He'd been expecting an argument and instead he was getting hugged and loved.

"Why aren't you mad at me?"  
"Why would I be mad at you?"  
"Well…because."  
"You'll have to expand on that."  
"Because I…Jack I was horrible. I acted so badly, I haven't had to worry about anyone else in so long…I was so selfish."

Jack let go and rolled Daniel over onto his back, leaning over him so he could see him clearly in the darkness.

"Daniel what are you talking about?"  
"Today with the Game Keeper."  
"I got that, I still have no idea what you're talking about."  
"How I behaved! You really don't have any idea what I'm talking about."

Daniel stared wide eyed at his partner; Jack's own confused expression looked down at him.

"Why don't you explain it to me?"  
"I…Jack I didn't…oh I don't know how to put this, I didn't make sure you were okay."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Today, you lived through one of the worst missions you ever went on over and over again, and I didn't even check to see if you were okay."

Jack was stunned at Daniel's revelation. Not for a moment had he considered that Daniel would feel bad for not comforting him. He hadn't even considered his own pain in lieu of Daniels…and that he realised was the point.

"Oh Danny."

He leant down and kissed him gently, making sure he still supported his own weight,

"Is this really what's been worrying you? I'm fine, in fact I've been more worried about you than what happened."  
"Exactly! Jack I…I didn't even think about…you."

Daniel looked away and tried to manoeuvre himself out from underneath Jack's hold. Jack in response did put his weight down, effectively pinning Daniel in place.

"You aren't going anywhere Jackson."

Daniel stopped trying to move away but he didn't look at Jack either. He was racing forward into a guilt trip and nothing was going to slow him down.

"Danny, look at me."

Jack waited patiently until Daniel finally looked him in the eye. In darkness Jack could see that he was upset and uncomfortable.

"Daniel, you have every right to be upset today. You had every right to be in your own little world. You watched your parents die again and again. You heard their screams and you saw…God, I still can't believe you saw that the first time. Daniel it was horrific, you should never have had to witness that the first time let alone today. You weren't being selfish. You were traumatised."  
"But so were you."  
"Maybe, maybe not. Yes it was awful and I hated that even when I tried to change things it didn't work, but you know what, I'll survive. I know it's in the past."  
"So do I. Jack, I want to be there for you. I want to be someone who is…worthy of you. And today I wasn't. Today…I failed."  
"You did not fail."

Jack brushed some hair from Daniel's eyes, his heart still amazed he was allowed to do it.

"Danny, you came home."  
"What?"  
"You came home. I know you were thinking of staying at the SGC or going to the apartment but you didn't. You came home to me. You are here in our bed, you're here with me. That is the best support you could have given me."  
"But…"  
"Seriously, You here in bed with me…being able to hug you after a long day…I couldn't ask for anything better."

Daniel sighed and instinctively placed his hands around Jack's waist. He often rested his hands on the older man's hips and Jack took it as a good sign.

"Jack I just feel so bad, I mean I care about you so much, I really do and today I wasn't there for you at all."  
"Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of other people."  
"But you're everything to me." Daniel whispered so softly that Jack wasn't sure he'd actually spoken.  
"Show me." He answered just as quietly

Daniel looked up at Jack making sure he really knew what he had asked. At Jack's slight nod Daniel took a shaky breath before reaching up to kiss him.

Their physical relationship was extraordinarily new and both men were still testing the waters. Jack had been inside Daniel but they had yet to go the other way. Daniel was afraid, not for Jack but because it made him think of Greg, and the nightmare of his youth.

Looking at Jack he saw not only love but longing. Jack wanted to experience Daniel in the same way Daniel had experienced Jack and Daniel knew the only way to escape his fears was to create new memories. Jack had taught him that.

Reaching into the bedside drawer Daniel blocked out his past and focused on his future.

_Tóg do chroí!  
Siúl tríd na stoirmeacha.  
Tóg do chroísa!  
Dul tríd Na stoirmeacha. _

_**Translation:**__  
Take heart!  
Walk through the storms.  
Take heart  
going through the storms!_

* * *

When the alarm sounded at 0600 the next day Daniel pulled his pillow out from under him and jammed it over his ears. He had only managed a few hours' sleep and his brain was definitely not ready to start a new day. The arm wrapped around his waist tightened and a smile appeared on Daniel's face as he remembered why he had only managed a few hours of rest.

"We need to get up." Jack mumbled into his neck  
"Too tired."  
"I know. Coffee."  
"Lots and lots."

Daniel managed to lift his head from the bed and he turned in Jack's arms so they were facing each other,

"How are you?"  
"I'm good. Very good."  
"Are you sure? We weren't exactly…gentle."  
"You're amazing." Jack mumbled sleepily as he kissed Daniel's forehead."  
"Wasn't what I asked."

Daniel was concerned that Jack would be in pain. Their love making which had started gentle hadn't finished that way and Daniel wasn't sure how Jack would be holding up.

"I know, but it's my answer. You were amazing, you are amazing. God Danny last night…I have never…I love you."  
"I love you."

Groaning Jack pushed off the blankets and sat up on the bed,

"Okay, shower. Yes a hot shower."

He looked back at Daniel who had closed his eyes again and nestled down further under the covers. Smiling Jack lent over and kissed his forehead before heading to the bathroom.

Standing under the hot spray Jack felt the weariness of the night run off him. In truth he was a little sore but he wouldn't change that for the world. Up until then he'd still had a few hesitations about whether he was doing the right thing. He knew he loved Daniel and that wasn't the problem but he still wasn't sure if he had the right to love him. He felt he was punching well above his weight, and he still felt he was but nothing was going to make him give it up. Ever.

Jack remained under the spray for a little longer, the heat working its way into his muscles. When he eventually walked back into the bedroom he chuckled to find Daniel still in bed. He quickly dressed and made his way downstairs to make breakfast. The Armageddon couldn't move Daniel from a warm bed but a well-placed Latte would have him up in no time.

Jack was still concerned that Daniel wasn't in the best frame of mind after his experience the day before and if truth was told he knew he wasn't. It wasn't just re-living the mission which he hadn't wanted to be on anyway but it was hearing the sound of his CO's voice and knowing now that no matter what, he couldn't have saved him.

Jack turned on the machine he'd purchased for Daniel for Christmas which Daniel insisted on keeping at his place, and let it work its magic. While it was producing its black gold Jack walked to the bookshelf in the lounge area and pulled a small book from the bottom shelf. It was thin and barely noticeable but inside held a group shot from the morning he'd set out on that fateful mission. Pulling it from the cover he looked over the faces he had seen and heard the previous day. Knowing that only a year ago Kawalski had still been alive hurt him more than he liked. He was glad Lou Feretti was still around; the three of them had been good friends.

Jack sighed as he looked at the photo, he wasn't in contact with anyone from that mission, Kawalski had been the last.

"You okay?"

Jack wasn't surprised to find Daniel come up next to him. He smiled a little,

"Produce the caffeine and he appears."

Daniel looked over Jack's shoulder at the photo and rested his chin on him,

"Wanna talk about it?"  
"We don't really have time."  
"We have all the time you need."

Daniel walked into the kitchen and came back with two cups of coffee. He sat on the couch and waited to see what Jack would do.

"I just hate how ballsed up this mission was."  
"Not enough information?"  
"Wrong information. It was never going to work and we lost a great man that day."

Jack sighed and sunk down on the couch, accepting the coffee cup in Daniel's out-stretched hand.

"I think the hardest thing for me yesterday was seeing Kawalski again. I mean, everything was so full on after we got you back and the Stargate program was being set up, I never really had a chance to think about him but seeing him yesterday…"  
"You miss him."  
"Yeah I do. I mean he was my best friend. And I'm not saying you aren't and I'm not saying that his passing meant that you and I could become friends, it was a different thing. We went through the program together, we went on those stupid crazy missions and we survived. He kept me going when we left you behind, even though at the time I didn't realise I needed someone to get me through."  
"He was your best friend."  
"Yeah he was."

Jack fingered the corner of the photo as he took a sip of coffee

"You know, it was after this mission that I decided to marry Sara."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, I saw how quickly things could go bad and I decided I didn't want to wait anymore."

Daniel didn't have any response, they both knew how his marriage had worked out and whilst Daniel hated the reason for its disintegration, he wasn't sad it had ended.

"I'm sorry Danny, I didn't mean to bring up Sara."  
"Don't be sorry, she's a part of your past and a big part at that. Heck you had a child together, never be sorry for that."

Jack reached out a hand for Daniel and he grasped it tightly,

"I love you, don't forget that okay."  
"I won't, I may not understand why but I won't."

The pair sat in silence drinking their coffee, neither willing to voluntarily let go of the other.

"I need to go home tonight." Daniel muttered.  
"Okay." Jack had to fight not to cringe at Daniel's reference to the apartment, "Keeping up appearances and all that, let the game begin."

Daniel nodded and finished his coffee,

"I'm not a fan but we have to."  
"I know. Come here."

Jack tugged on Daniel's hand and pulled him toward him so he was lying next to him on the couch.

"We'll be okay Danny, I know we will."  
"I know. I really am sorry about yesterday."  
"Don't be, you have nothing to be sorry about."

Jack put the picture down that he was holding and wrapped his arm around Daniel.

"We got through it, together. That's how relationships work. We do things together. No one party has greater value. We're equal."  
"Equal." Daniel murmured, "I didn't feel equal yesterday."  
"You were here when I needed you, yesterday I was there for you. No matter what Danny, as long as we're there for each other when it counts, the rest doesn't matter."  
"You seem so convinced of that."  
"I am. I wasn't there for Sara and in the end she wasn't there for me either. I will not let that happen to us."

Daniel nodded and looked back at Jack,

"We fight for each other."  
"We do."  
"I love you."

They sat together for a few more minutes till they really had to get up to make it to the Mountain on time. It was still raining when they left, each taking their separate car but Jack was pleased to see that for now at least, the storms had passed.

_Turas mór.  
Tar tríd na stoirmeacha.  
Turas fada.  
Amharc tríd na stoirmeacha. _

_**Translation:  
**__A great journey.  
Come through the storms.  
A long Journey.  
Look through the storms.  
_

**The End…For Now**


	3. Marble Halls

Marble Halls

**Author:** Midnyteblue  
**Pairing:** Jack/Daniel, Friendship/Slash  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Spoilers:** Need (Minor)  
**Summary:** As Daniel deals with addiction, Jack's past comes back to haunt him  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine never have been or will be. Fic inspired by the beautiful Enya  
**AN:** Sorry for the delay in writing, I shall strive to do better

* * *

Jack O'Neill looked down on his lover who was currently strapped to a bed, the restraints holding him tight so he wouldn't be able to move. Jack's heart was clenched tight as he watched the screen. It hurt so much to see Daniel lying there, restricted from moving in case he hurt someone…in case he hurt himself.

Jack had been cold and distant through the whole nightmare. At first he'd been hurt and confused; he couldn't understand why Daniel had seemingly forgotten about him, and not only him but also Sam and Teal'c.

Once they'd returned from the mission Jack had every intention of sitting his lover down and having a long discussion about the events but the problem was that Daniel's only thoughts were of going back to his 'Princess.' Jack was furious.

Jack had been angry before, angry at other people, angry at himself but he had never been angry with Daniel, the shock of it only fuelled his rage and by the time Daniel had shown up in the General's office his blood was boiling.

**_### Flash Back ###_**

"_He's not the Daniel we know Sir."  
"What are you saying Captain?"  
"Sir I think he needs to be confined! He is clearly addicted to the effects!"  
*Oh you think drug addiction is going to get him out of this! Wait till I get him home, I swear to God…*_

_The three of them looked up as Daniel walked into the room and thrust a piece of paper into the Generals' hand,_

"_What's this?"  
"It's my resignation."  
"Oh please." *Like hell it is! There's no way you'd resign this place…maybe Carter is right…I don't care, this isn't happening. I swear to God Daniel, when I'm through with you, you will wish you could resign.*_

_Daniel ignored him and looked straight at the General,_

"_General, I respectfully request permission to go through the gate to P3R-636."  
"Request denied." Jack spat back instantly  
"I wasn't asking you." Daniel countered_

_Hammond and Sam were stunned at the argument taking place before them. They had never seen Daniel of Jack argue with each other, not like this and clearly neither was about to back down. At that moment Daniel passed out. Sam ran to him whilst the General called in the emergency. When he'd hung up Hammond glanced toward Jack only to find he hadn't moved. Anyone walking in would assume he was still furious but the General noted the slight shift in posture and widening of his eyes,_

_*Angry to terrified in .2 seconds, It's okay Jack, he'll be okay.*_

_The medical team were in the General's office in minutes and took Daniel to the infirmary. Jack hadn't moved a muscle and Sam was worried they would have to take him as well._

"_Sir, did you want to go or…"_

_Jack looked at her and Sam realised he was afraid,_

_*Wow, didn't know that could happen. I guess everyone has a point they reach, I just never expected to see the Colonel with one.*_

_She looked at him and stared until she knew he was paying attention,_

"_So you want me to go and tell Teal'c what happened whist you head to the infirmary?"_

Jack blinked as he recognised the tone his 2IC was using,

_*Okay, Carter just gave you a direct order. Snap out of it Jack, do as she says and go to the infirmary. The Doc will make sure he's okay.*_

_Jack nodded and Sam turned to leave which left Jack alone with the General,_

"_Go on Colonel, your team needs you."_

_Jack stared blankly at him before following Carter from the room. _

**_### End Flashback ###_**

The cold terror he'd felt when Daniel had gone down had not abated and now he could barely breathe.

_*Please wake up Danny, please wake up. I need you to wake up, come on babe, you need to fight.*_

Down below Dr Janet Frasier glanced up at the silent figure keeping watch over the isolation room. She drew in a nervous breath as she looked back at her patient. Dr Jackson may be an Archaeologist…non-military…but he was a fighter, a friend, and there were people who cared a great deal about him. Glancing up one more time at the Colonel who was staring down at her she blinked back her emotions and concentrated on the job at hand,

_*Alright Daniel, time to get better.*_

…

Jack stood vigilant over the room, not moving. It took a few hours for Janet to run the tests needed and the He stood in place the entire time, heedless of the people coming and going around him. Occasionally Daniel would lash out and even from a distance Jack could see the strain it was having on his body. The sight only made him tenser.

Eventually Janet was able to present her findings,

"I gave him a sedative. His test results are all over the place. Liver function, Kidney function, endorphins, electrolytes; levels indicate muscle deterioration."

Jack knew he should know what she was talking about but the words weren't making it through,

"Alright alright, whatever. What's going on with him?"  
"I have no idea. The most I can do is try to treat the symptoms. But the bottom line is that he seems to be going through some massive physical withdrawal."

_*No, not a chance Doc, there is no way in hell I am letting him go through this. I won't let him suffer like…No…no way*_

As Jack was fighting to come to terms with what was happening to his lover, the crystal blue eyes he loved came into focus and he realised Daniel was awake. He struggled and tried to get up off the bed,

"I have to go back! You're killing me!"

Jack sucked in a breath, the words cutting in deep.

_*That's not Daniel, I know that's not Daniel.*_

He watched as Teal'c tried to hold him down but in his altered state Daniel was a lot stronger than the Jaffa warrior. Eventually Jack sat on him, using his own weight to pin Daniel down. Being in direct contact with his partner sent chills down his spine,

_*It's not my Daniel, it's not my Daniel.*_

He stayed where he was until the sedative Janet administered took effect. Taking hold of the results Janet indicated that they should leave him alone and the three of them filed out of the room. Back up in the observatory the remaining members of SG1 along with the General ran through the options that were available. Although he was in the room, Jack was still down in the isolation room with Daniel. Eventually Teal'c deep voice rang through,

"The sarcophagus will keep Daniel Jackson alive."

"No, we can't let him go back. That thing will just screw him up permanently and we'll lose him anyway. The memories that Jolinar left in my mind told me that the sarcophagus will take away everything that Daniel is!" Sam argued emphatically

_*It already has.*_ Jack succumbed to the truth of the matter. Out loud all he said was "What choice do we have?"

"We wait it out. Just a little longer."

Jack looked back down at his partner. They had only just found each other and already he felt him slipping away,

_*I can't let him suffer; I can't let him go through that. We have to take him back, I don't want to but I have to…I have to take him back.*_

"Okay, we wait a little longer." The General agreed. He nodded to each of them and left to update the Doctor of the decision. Jack sighed and went to take his place again by the window.

_*Where are you Danny? Where did you go?*_

…

Daniel felt the jab in his arm and the pressure that came from it, forcing him back inside his head,

_*No Jack, no! Why are you hurting me…why! Please make it stop! You promised you would never hurt me. You promised! Please let me go back, please it hurts too much to stay, I have to go back to her, she'll make the pain stop. Why can't you understand?*_

As the pressure built Daniel felt himself drift away. He saw himself as if from someone else's point of view. It was a strange feeling but inside he could see two realities, the first was where he was. Locked up in ISO1 with Jack holding him down and Janet forcing him into a state of submission. He knew as he saw it that they were doing the right thing but that didn't stop the pain.

On the other hand he saw his life with Shyla, the comfort and warmth she offered. The strength he had felt after his time in the sarcophagus. He had been accepted, loved…he would rule by her side.

It had been a wakeup call to discover that he didn't have to be the weak man that he had grown to be, he could be strong. He could be a man worthy of Jack's attention.

In the beginning that was how it had started. He had woken up from his time in the Sarc and he had felt…better. He'd known that he'd been injured and there had been pain but then the pain had gone and he'd been well. Then he'd jumped in again and he'd been better.

Every time the lid closed over him he felt sick. He'd known that what he was doing was wrong, he could feel himself slipping away but each time he'd also reasoned that Jack deserved someone better…someone stronger.

As he slipped away he saw both sides and hated himself more than he had before

_*I'm sorry Jack. I'm so sorry.*_

_I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls__  
__with vassals and serfs at my side,__  
__and of all who assembled within those walls__  
__that I was the hope and the pride.__  
__I had riches all too great to count__  
__and a high ancestral name._

* * *

"Geez! Daniel! Are you trying to kill me?"

Jack's voice rang through the haze and Daniel's heart pounded as he realised he was holding a gun. Then the pain broke through and he remembered why he was there.

"You're trying to kill me!"

Jack started at his lover in shock but somehow Daniel also saw the pain and understanding in his eyes.

"There'll be guards here in thirty seconds." Jack tried reasoning

"I'm going back." Daniel declared

_*Not a chance babe, I'm not letting you go anywhere.*  
*Please Jack, let me go. Let me go back…don't make me go back…I want to go…I don't want to go…Jack help me please.*_

"You don't have to! Frasier says you're getting better."

"You're lying!"

_*Stop lying to me! You've been lying from the beginning. You said you loved me but you don't! How can you? How can anyone love me?*_

"Why would I do that?!"

Seeing that Jack was barring the door Daniel rushed him and the pair fought for supremacy. Crashing into a shelving unit Jack fell and found that Daniel was once again pointing the gun at him.

He had never been able to get used to the sight of Daniel holding a gun, every time he flashed back to his son doing the same thing.

Daniel! God! What are you going to do, Daniel? Do you want to kill me? Oh God, look at you. I know what this is. I know what it's like. You can get through it!"

Jack stared at Daniel and saw the pain he was in,

"No."

Daniel began to cry, the tears coming in a flood and as he fell back Jack breathed a sigh of relief, somehow he'd got through to the young man. He knew that this moment of clarity wouldn't last and they were on a long hard road…one Jack had taken before.

Jack crawled over to him and pulled him into a hug. He was well aware that the room would be crawling with personnel in only a minute but he didn't care. His life was tied up in Daniel and nothing on earth would stop him from being where he needed to be, where Daniel needed him to be.

_*I'll retire before I leave Daniel to deal with this on his own. God, I never wanted…I wish you didn't have to do this…*_

He rocked back and forth, calming the young man as much as he could.

"It's okay Danny, I'm here. You'll be okay."  
"Jack, I need it to stop, please make it stop."  
"I can't babe, I am so sorry but I can't. It will get better I promise you."  
"It hurts, everything hurts."  
"I know, believe me I know."

Jack heard people running and he quickly picked up the gun and tossed it through the open doorway.

"Secure this but stand down!" He called. The running feet slowed but Jack could still hear them moving toward the room, "That's an Order!" He yelled. The movement stopped.

"Sir?" Jack heard Janet call out

Jack held Daniel a little tighter, choosing for a moment not to respond.

"You're okay Danny, you'll be okay."  
"Make it stop."  
"Colonel!"

Jack looked up and sighed. He knew what it was he had to do but there was no way he was going to let anyone touch Daniel without his permission.

"Danny, I want to help you but I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"  
"Make the pain stop please."  
"I will babe, I promise. You know me, I never break my promises."  
"But you did, you lied to me."

Jack was shocked at Daniel's statement but instead of reacting he simply kissed his hair and rubbed his back in a soothing motion,

"Daniel, I'm going to get Janet in here okay. She will help you. Don't fight it."  
"Jack, I'm scared. Please don't leave me, don't let her hurt me."  
"Janet is your friend, she would never hurt you."  
"Jack…"  
"I won't leave you, ever."

Jack let go of his tight hold but he didn't let go completely.

"It's okay Doc, maybe keep everyone else out. Is Carter with you?"  
"I'm here Sir."

Janet came forward into the room with Sam right behind her. Jack could hear the Doc's sharp intake of breath when she saw them but he didn't care. He was fully prepared for the consequences, his only concern was Daniel.

"He's just sick." Carter spoke and Jack realised he owed his 2IC some more credit. Her voice commanded respect, her words an order.  
"Yes." Janet agreed, "Just sick."

Sam walked toward them and knelt down by their side. Daniel was still shaking but the tears had slowed.

"Sir, you need to let go now."  
"I know. Doc, can you knock him out again?"  
"Jack…?"  
"It'll be okay Danny, I promised remember."

Daniel gripped tighter for a moment before he reached out a shaky arm toward the Doctor. Janet knelt down and administered a strong sedative. It only took a few moments for Daniel to go under. When he was out Jack let go and gently lay Daniel down till only his head was lying in his lap.

"Let's get him back to the infirmary." Janet suggested quietly  
"Yeah, okay."

Janet called in her staff and two men came in with a gurney to transport Daniel back to his room. Jack lifted him onto the bed and made sure he was secure before he wheeled him out.

"We can do that Sir!" one of the nurses called out only to have Jack ignore them and continue on his way.

"You okay?" Sam asked Janet once Jack had gone.  
"Yeah, I'm fine…I think."  
"He didn't hurt you?"  
"No, a bruise but I'll be fine."

Sam nodded and went to leave,

"Sam?"

She turned and shook her head slightly at Janet,

"Don't." was all she said before walking out. Janet nodded to herself and smiled,

_*You're going to make my life difficult where that young man is concerned aren't you Colonel.*_

…

Daniel woke briefly before they got back to the infirmary but as he felt the pain run through his body he felt pressure on his shoulder, a warm familiar pressure, and he knew he was safe.

_*Jack loves me, he's here. Jack is here.*_

_But I also dreamt which pleased me most__  
__that you loved me still the same,__  
__that you loved me__  
__you loved me still the same,__  
__that you loved me__  
__you loved me still the same._

* * *

"LET ME GO!"

Sam watched as Jack jerked upright, Daniel's voice breaking through his sleep. It had been twenty-four hours since they'd locked Daniel back up in isolation and he'd been there every second. He'd tried to get Janet to allow him to take Daniel home but it she hadn't budged and eventually the General had put his foot down and had even placed a guard outside the room in case Jack tried to break him free.

So Jack sat himself by Daniel's side and refused to move for anyone. Finally Janet had relented as long as he didn't interfere with anything that needed to be done. Even then Jack had his conditions and as a result nothing would be done to Daniel, not even a blood test without Jack's say so.

If anyone questioned it, no one said anything in direct hearing of the Colonel but Sam did catch part of a conversation between Lou Feretti and his team explaining that Jack himself had been through a similar experience many years ago,

_*Poor Colonel, not only does he have to deal with Daniel going through this but also remembering what happened to himself…Not my cup of tea.*_

Sam took the thermos of coffee to Daniel's room and handed it to the Colonel,

"Here Sir, I thought you could use this."  
"Thankyou Carter."

He took in a sip and savoured the taste,

"Have you eaten Sir?"  
"Sure I have."  
"When?"

Jack didn't answer; instead he kept his eyes trained on his partner. Sam sighed and laid a hand on Daniel's arm before leaving them alone. She knew Jack wasn't eating, nor was he sleeping. He hadn't moved since yesterday except to go to the bathroom, but she wasn't going to force him.

_*I wish someone cared about me that much.*_

…

Jack stared at the screen, to him it was all mumbo jumbo – A crazy mix of letters and numbers that meant Daniel was still sick.

_*You have to come back to me Daniel, please. I don't want to live without you. I mean I know you aren't dying but you aren't you either. Whatever that witch made you believe I swear it isn't true. I haven't lied to you, I wouldn't lie to you. I love you, God Daniel I love you so freaking much. You need to come back to me so I can show you.*_

...

**_### Flash Back ###_**

"_You belong here Daniel. You are strong, Courageous and you have knowledge. You belong here with me. You were born to rule."_

_Daniel looked over at Shyla and smiled. She sure knew how to stroke his ego…not that he'd ever had an ego in the past but there was always time to learn._

"_I should probably go and check on my friends. They're getting everything they need right?"  
"Of course Daniel, but you are above them; you no longer need them as your acquaintances. There is no need for you to concern yourself with them"  
"You always need friends, everyone needs friends."  
"You have me."_

_Daniel looked at Shyla and smiled,_

"_I do have you."  
"You are strong Daniel, stronger than before. You are wonderful now."_

Daniel nodded and smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"_You are tired, you should rest. The Sarcophagus will help you."  
"I really don't think I need to keep getting in there, I probably should go and see…"  
"You will feel much better. Trust me."_

**_### End Flashback ###_**

"No! I don't…I can't!"

Daniel fought through his mind as he lapsed in and out of dreams, memories of what had happened, the strength and the pain. He knew he was in the fight of his life but he wasn't sure which side was meant to be winning.

Each time his body surged with pain he felt a strength he didn't know he had flow through him, like something or someone was helping him fight but he couldn't place the source. As he felt himself slip away again he reached out to take hold of whatever was helping him through. In an instant he felt warmth and security. He relaxed again.

…

Jack looked around to make sure no one had noticed him take Daniel's hand. The young man was still restrained but it didn't stop him straining against his bonds as he tried to reach out. Every time he did Jack took his hand and rested the other on his shoulder, providing as much support as he could.

He could tell Daniel was getting better, he was having fewer outbursts and they were further apart. Janet had even lowered his sedative at his insistence and so far there hadn't been a problem. He would occasionally yell out and he would moan with what Jack assumed was pain but he was also sleeping naturally, restful, cleansing sleep.

It was coming up on four days since the team's return from the planet and as such it was close to five days since Daniel had last been inside the sarcophagus. Even to Jack that seemed like such a short stretch of time to recover from addiction. He remembered the process taking weeks…months.

*_It's not the same. Daniel didn't go through what you did.*_ Jack ran his fingers through his hair and shut his eyes, _*Addiction is addiction, no matter what is behind it.*_

He rested his head on his hands and sighed,

_*He's going to get worse before he gets better.*_

…

"Colonel, I order you to go home."  
"General I…"  
"Now Colonel! I want you off this base for the next twenty-four hours."  
"But…"  
"Good night Colonel O'Neill."

Jack blinked at his superior officer before relenting. He had never disobeyed a direct order before, but never before had a direct order involved the life of the man he loved.

"I'll keep you updated jack, there's nothing you can do here."  
"I can stay in one of the quarters, please General. One of my team are down and I never leave a man behind."  
"Jack I want you to go home and rest. Daniel is safe, you aren't leaving him behind. You are re-grouping to deal with the next battle." The General spoke softly  
"I need you to go home Colonel, I don't want two members of SG1 in my infirmary and if you don't start eating then that's exactly where you will end up." Janet's voice was stern but not un-kind. Jack looked between them and Daniel before walking over to the bed,  
"He's going to get worse."  
"You don't know that Jack." Hammond maintained.  
"I do know that, I've been there Sir. He will get worse before he gets better."  
"Then you should get some rest before that happens."

Jack's shoulders slumped as the weight of the past four days caught up with him.

"I'm tired." He whispered  
"Go home Jack, I'll get someone to drive you."  
"I can drive myself."  
"I don't think that's a good idea Jack, you're barely standing. You haven't slept or eaten since coming back."

Jack found he didn't have the strength to argue. Instead he nodded and simply turned to leave. When he'd gone Janet breathed a sigh of relief,

"I really thought I'd have to admit him Sir."  
"So did I, it may have been easier. Doctor, everything that's just happened…"  
"What happened Sir?"

The General nodded briefly and left to make sure Jack didn't drive himself home. Janet looked back at Daniel and checked the monitors,

"You need to get better soon Daniel, for everyone's sake."

_I dreamt that suitors sought my hand,_  
_that knights upon bended knee_  
_and with vows no maiden's heart could withstand,_  
_they pledged their faith to me._  
_And I dreamt that one of that noble host_  
_came forth my hand to claim._

* * *

Jack lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. The space next to him was empty and for the first time in a long time he felt truly alone.

Daniel didn't stay at his place all the time, he couldn't otherwise questions would be raised, but the pair hadn't slept apart except for missions since before Christmas. He didn't like it.

Rolling on his side he willed his body to sleep. He was exhausted but his mind refused to shut down, all his thoughts were consumed with Daniel. He was upset that they weren't together, he was feeling guilty at having been so mad at him to begin with and above all he was afraid for him. Scared that he would go through an experience Jack had fought to suppress for so long.

After what seemed like an eternity, Jack closed his eyes.

…

_Jack rolled over onto his other side and moved closer to the warmth that was offered. His eyes snapped open when he realised the warmth was coming from a person, a very Daniel shaped person._

"_Danny?"_

_Daniel mumbled something in-discernable and pressed himself back against Jack, reaching out for his arm to wrap around him_

_Jack blinked and focused, the room was lighter than the 0200 on the bedside clock indicated and Jack realised he was still asleep. _

_He and Daniel had been experiencing a connection through their dreams from the very beginning of their friendship. So far it had only happened when one of them was sick or upset…or dead. The two men had also been in contact with people they had never thought to see again, Jack had spoken with Charlie and Daniel had seen his parents. Both men believed the events happened but neither had really spoken about it. It just was._

_Taking the opportunity, Jack savoured the moment and held on tightly_

"_I love you Daniel, so much."_

_Jack felt him stiffen and he realised the moment was over._

"_Jack?"  
"Yeah babe."_

Neither man spoke as Daniel processed what was happening,

"_Dreaming?"  
"I think so."  
"I'm sick."  
"Yeah, you are."  
"Not real."  
"It's the most real thing that's happened in the past few weeks Danny."_

_Daniel let go of Jack's arm and twisted so he was lying on his back. Jack notice how dull his eyes were. Gone were the crystal blue orbs that he usually saw, instead they were faded ghosts, a mere shadow of their former light._

"_Geeze Danny…"  
"Where are we?"  
"You don't…We're at home Danny."  
"Home?"  
"My house, in our bed."  
"Jack?"_

_Jack could see confusion in his eyes and he realised that even in their dream state, Daniel wasn't well._

"_It's okay Danny, focus. You can do this. Who am I?"  
"Jack?"  
"That's right, I'm Jack. Now who am I?"  
"Who? You're…my friend?"  
"Yes Daniel, yes I'm your friend. What else?"  
"Jack?"  
"I'm here babe, I'm here. Come on you can do this, you can fight. You're strong okay, you're so strong. I need you to fight."_

_Jack realised he was crying but he didn't care. Memories of disorientation and fear were flowing through him._

"_I'm strong. I'm strong."  
"You are strong Daniel, you can fight anything. You're a survivor; I need you to survive Daniel."_

_Daniel looked at him and Jack could see that he was trying to process what was being said._

"_You love me."  
"Yes I do, very much."  
"You lied to me."_

_Daniel curled up on his side and shrunk away from Jack. It was the second time Daniel had said those words since becoming sick and Jack had a feeling that the idea had somehow been planted in his mind._

"_Okay Danny, talk me through this, how have I lied to you?"_

_Daniel covered his ears with his hands, trying to block out the world but Jack wasn't going to take it. A part of him knew that this was it. If he woke up now and called the SGC he would find Daniel's condition had deteriorated._

…

An insistent beep filled her ears and Janet looked down at the monitors by Daniel's bed to find his blood pressure was dropping,

"Oh my God!"

She ran downstairs and crashed her palm into the emergency call button,

"CODE BLUE IN ISO1"

…

"_Come on Daniel, talk to me. How did I lie to you?"  
"YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!"_

_Daniel's voice screamed through his mind. Jack sat back in shock, his ears ringing,_

"_What?"  
"You said you love me. You said I was strong and that you love me."  
"I do love you Daniel, I would never lie about that."  
"But you did. You did."_

_Daniel got up and tried to run from the room but jack blocked his path. In his confusion Daniel turned and ran for the window. Jack got to him in time to stop him putting his body through the glass. Neither were sure what effect, if any, there would be if something happened to them in their dream state but jack was not willing to find out._

_He tackled him to the ground, landing roughly on his knee. Pain shot up his leg and Jack realised he would be able to test the theory after all. They fought for control but Jack managed to get the upper hand and pinned Daniel to the ground._

…

"HOLD HIM STILL!"

Janet wasn't usually one to raise her voice but panic was starting to show through. Daniel was fighting them every step of the way and had even managed to pull out his IV even though he was restrained,

"Tighten the belts; I need to get a vein."

She had two nurses hold down his shoulders whilst a guard moved to tighten the cuffs around his wrists.

…

"_Alright Daniel, that's enough. What exactly have I lied to you about? You said I lied about loving you, well that's not true is it. I love you so damn much I am willing to risk my career and more for you. I have never lied to you, in fact if there has been any lie there then it's me downplaying just how much I do love you."_

_Daniel struggled to get up but Jack wasn't budging,_

"_So what, what is it exactly that I have lied about? Come on, tell me."_

Daniel began to fight harder and Jack could feel that the year of military training was paying off but instead of appreciating the effort he was concerned Daniel would gain the upper hand.

"_TELL ME!"_

…

Janet re-inserted the Cannula in time for Daniel to go limp.

"He's Tachycardic! Move people!

_Daniel stopped struggling and went slack. Jack wasn't buying it and remained where he was. Daniel looked up at him and frowned, pain evident in his dull features,_

"_You said I was strong. You said you loved me for who I was. You lied."  
"What part of that is a lie?"  
"All of it. I'm not strong, I've never been strong. I was weak, I was stupid…how could anyone love that."_

_Jack sat back in surprise, effectively releasing Daniel from his hold but neither man moved. Daniel lay with his face turned away, unable to look at him and Jack just sat blinking._

"_Daniel, you are the strongest man I have ever met! You have been through hell in your life and you've come out as the most wonderful, beautiful man I have ever met!"  
"Why are you lying to me?"  
"I'm not lying! I wish you would believe me!"  
"How can I? I know what it was like to be strong, I know what it's like not to need anything. She showed me. I'm nothing compared to what I was, nothing."_

_Jack sighed and got up from the floor. Sitting back on the bed he put his head in his hands. He realised what Daniel was saying and he wasn't sure how to counter it._

"_Danny, none of that was real. What you felt was a side effect from the Sarcophagus, it was an illusion that the device created within your mind."  
"My vision improved, was that all in my head? I could do things, move faster and think quicker, was that in my mind?"  
"No, but Danny anything that does that in such a short amount of time isn't good for you! If you really feel the need to be physically stronger than we can work on that but you don't *need* to."  
"What do you know about any of this? You have no idea what's going on with me. No idea what pain you've caused me! You know NOTHING!"  
"I DO KNOW! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE FEELING BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE!"_

…

"Charge the Defib! Come on Daniel, Don't do this."

…

_Jack hadn't meant to yell at him but he had no idea how to break through. Daniel sat up, stunned that Jack had raised his voice at all._

"_I've been there Daniel. For nearly eight months I was drugged, tortured…I was forced into addiction."_

_Daniel sat with his eyes narrowed, not sure what was going on but not wanting to move._

"_Heroin and Meth. They started on low doses and increased it over the months till I needed it more than life itself. They would withhold it for days if they wanted something and rewarded me with a hit when I co-operated. When I finally got out no one was sure I would live, but I did Danny. I lived, I survived, I fought for my life and it hurt, God the pain. Daniel I was in hell! At first they tried weaning me off but eventually they went cold turkey."_

_Daniel remained still, the reality of what Jack was saying slipping through the haze. He felt sick but for a whole different reason._

…

"It's not working!"  
"Push the Epinephrine and start CPR!"

The Defibrillator was pushed aside as one of the male nurses began to push on Daniel's chest. Janet kept her eyes trained on the monitors as she forced air through Daniel's body. She vaguely noted Teal'c, Captain Carter and the General had all appeared in the viewing area but she didn't have time to focus on anything except the young man on her table.

…

"_The pain passes, the need fades and you feel nothing. There is no hope, no life, nothing to live for. I know the hopelessness Danny because I know what it's like to give up. But that's not all Danny, I know what it's like to realise that you don't have to give up. _

_There are things worth fighting for. Life is not about a synthetic substance and the thoughts it creates in your mind it's about the people and things in it. You can feel again Daniel. You can feel alive and strong. The drugs make you forget about it all but you can remember if you want to…but you have to want to Daniel._

_Jack stopped talking and sat with his arms wrapped around himself. He had never wanted Daniel to know about some things in his past, and this was one of them. He had managed to spare Sara from it and she had the sense not to ask. It was only a few months after he was back on active duty that he met her._

_Daniel remained still, his mind fighting to digest what Jack had said whilst trying to sort through his own feelings. _

…

"It's been almost ten minutes."  
"I know that! Keep pushing Epi…"  
"But Doc?"  
"I will not be the one telling Colonel O'Neill what happened to his best friend. Keep going!"

…

"_I still…I still feel like you lied to me. I hear what you're saying and…I can't help it, I'm trying but…"_

Jack sighed and sat on the floor again so he was on the same level as his partner,

"_Daniel, I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I haven't lied to you, what you are talking about is all physical and yeah if you want to we can work on that. You want to be stronger then fine; your body can learn that. We can train and I can push you to your limit and you can be as strong as you want to be. If that's what you want, if that's what you need then yes, I lied to you."_

_Jack watched as Daniel began to close himself off again and he reached out to grab his hands, forcing him to look into his eyes,_

"_Daniel I haven't been talking about the physical strength, I've been talking about the mental and emotional strength that I can't honestly believe you have. I have never met anyone with the same mental strength as you who weren't a closed up brick wall of a person. You aren't, you aren't closed off, you are kind and loving and your capacity to care meant that you even managed to get through to a rundown old Colonel hell bent on ending his life. Daniel you have an incredible capacity within you to see the good in people. I honestly think you could see the good in a Goa'uld."  
"I wouldn't go that far."  
"Okay maybe not, but try to understand what I'm saying. Physical strength is superficial. It can be learned, it can be taught. You cannot teach compassion. You cannot teach love because emotions cannot be learned. You cannot teach emotional strength because it stems from your emotions. I can teach you to cut yourself off but I cannot teach you to care and that Daniel is the strongest part of you. It's your ability to feel that I love. Your ability to think of anyone but yourself. That is who you are Daniel Jackson, the strongest, bravest, most loving person I have ever met. And that is not a lie."_

…

"I have a pulse!"  
"His vitals are stable."  
"What?"

Janet checked the monitors to make sure she wasn't seeing things,

"He's stabilised!"

…

_Daniel looked at Jack and took a deep breath. As he did Jack noted his eyes were brightening,_

"_No one cares about those things, they're weak."  
"No Daniel, they are strength, especially in someone who has been through what you have."  
"I don't see it."  
"You don't have to. You just have to believe that I see it and I love it, I love you."  
"I…Jack I love you too."_

_Daniel broke down again but this time he fell into Jack's arms. Jack held on tightly and let him ride out the waves._

"_I love you Daniel Jackson, you are so strong. You can fight this, *We* can fight this."_

Jack woke up with a start and automatically reached for his phone.

…

"Is that possible Doc? To go from dead to normal like that? I mean these stats could be mine!"  
"It's rare but not unheard of. Considering what his body has been through…I have no idea."  
"Doc? I have Colonel O'Neill on the line."

Janet looked up at the General who nodded and she took the phone,

"Colonel I…What? How did…How do…Are you sure? I'm not sure I can do that Colonel. Okay, but it's on your head."

She hung up and looked up to the trio staring down into the room.

"What's going on Doctor?" the General inquired  
"Colonel O'Neill requested we remove Daniel from the restraints and stop all sedation."  
"What! How can he suggest such a thing?"  
"Well General, considering his stats, I actually see no need to sedate him any longer."  
"You saw what just happened! What if it happens again?"  
"Then we go back in. The Colonel was quite insistent Sir."  
"I bet he was." The General muttered causing Sam to smile through her tears, "Thoughts Doctor?"  
"I can't explain any of this Sir but somehow the Colonel seems fully aware of the situation. He even said before he left that he expected Daniel to get worse."  
"He did, didn't he?"

Janet looked back at the monitors and shrugged,

"Why not Sir?"  
"I don't like seeing Daniel tied up Sir." Sam weighed in  
"Nor do I. He seems well enough." Teal's concurred

Hammond sighed and nodded to Janet who began to remove the restraints

_*How did you know Jack?*_

_But I also dreamt which charmed me most__  
__that you loved me still the same__  
__that you loved me__  
__you loved me still the same  
__  
_

* * *

"Come on, get into bed. Doctors' orders." Jack stated with a smile,  
"Any excuse." Daniel countered causing Jack to laugh.

It had been three days since Daniel had 'died'. Jack grimaced every time he heard the term and he couldn't help but reflect on the fact that it was the third time that year such an even had taken place, though Daniel was also quick to point out that Nem hadn't actually killed him.

Daniel had been released into Jack's care on strict instructions that Janet be called if any problems arise. Both men had readily agreed if for no other reason than to get Daniel out of the SGC and away from prying eyes. The story of Daniel's recovery had spread like wildfire around the facility and Daniel couldn't wait for the rumours to die down.

Daniel sat himself down on the bed and touched the covers,

"Our bed."  
"Yes, our bed." Jack agreed gently.

Neither of them had spoken about their dream, At first they couldn't because of where they were but Jack had a feeling they still wouldn't. What needed to be said was said and neither seemed too keen to relive it straight away. Jack was sure they would have to talk about it eventually but for now, he was happy to let it go

"Could you…?"  
"What?"

Daniel looked at his hands before looking up at Jack,

"Could you be in our bed too?"

Daniel smiled shyly and Jack's heart melted,

"Of course. Let me lock up and I'll be back."

Jack left the room and Daniel settled back under the covers. Suddenly Jack burst back in and gently kissed him before running back out again. Daniel smiled and closed his eyes, certain that no matter what, Jack would be there for him and he vowed that when the time came he would be where Jack needed him to be.

_that you loved me__  
__you loved me still the same._

**The End…For Now**


End file.
